The Swoop! or, How Clarence Saved England: A Tale of the Great Invasion — John Shaqi
The Swoop! or, How Clarence Saved England: A Tale of the Great InvasionWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
The Swoop! or, How Clarence Saved England: A Tale of the Great Invasion
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Boy Scouts -- Fiction; England -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Imaginary wars and battles -- Fiction; Satire
A writer in _Answers_ pointed out that, if all the invaders in the
country were piled in a heap, they would reach some of the way to the
moon.
Far-seeing men took a gloomy view of the situation. They laid stress on
the fact that this counter-attraction was bound to hit first-class
cricket hard. For some years gates had shown a tendency to fall off,
owing to the growing popularity of golf, tennis, and other games. The
desire to see the invaders as they marched through the country must
draw away thousands who otherwise would have paid their sixpences at
the turnstiles. It was suggested that representations should be made to
the invading generals with a view to inducing them to make a small
charge to sightseers.
In sporting circles the chief interest centered on the race to London.
The papers showed the positions of the various armies each morning in
their Runners and Betting columns; six to four on the Germans was
freely offered, but found no takers.
Considerable interest was displayed in the probable behaviour of the
nine armies when they met. The situation was a curious outcome of the
modern custom of striking a deadly blow before actually declaring war.
Until the moment when the enemy were at her doors, England had imagined
that she was on terms of the most satisfactory friendship with her
neighbours. The foe had taken full advantage of this, and also of the
fact that, owing to a fit of absent-mindedness on the part of the
Government, England had no ships afloat which were not entirely
obsolete. Interviewed on the subject by representatives of the daily
papers, the Government handsomely admitted that it was perhaps in
some ways a silly thing to have done; but, they urged, you could not
think of everything. Besides, they were on the point of laying down a
_Dreadnought_, which would be ready in a very few years. Meanwhile,
the best thing the public could do was to sleep quietly in their beds.
It was Fisher's tip; and Fisher was a smart man.
And all the while the Invaders' Marathon continued.
Who would be the first to reach London?
Chapter 5
THE GERMANS REACH LONDON
The Germans had got off smartly from the mark and were fully justifying
the long odds laid upon them. That master-strategist, Prince Otto of
Saxe-Pfennig, realising that if he wished to reach the Metropolis
quickly he must not go by train, had resolved almost at once to walk.
Though hampered considerably by crowds of rustics who gathered, gaping,
at every point in the line of march, he had made good progress. The
German troops had strict orders to reply to no questions, with the
result that little time was lost in idle chatter, and in a couple of
days it was seen that the army of the Fatherland was bound, barring
accidents, to win comfortably.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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