Yet, for all her wonder, she brought her swift intelligence to the task
of criticism. Not since her mother’s illness had she taken anything so
seriously. She lived in the book, walking meanwhile through an unreal
world. Her golden words, on the other hand, the young man captured
eagerly and set down in the margin of the manuscript. Half-way through
the reading, they were on terms of Christian names. Minds so absorbed in
an artistic pursuit grew impatient of absurd formalities of address.
They slipped almost imperceptibly into the Olivia and Alexis habit. At
the end they pulled themselves up rather sharply, with blank looks at an
immediate future bereft of common interest.
“I’ll have to begin another, right away, so that you can be with me from
the very start,” he said.
“Have you an idea?”
“Not yet.”
“When will you have one?”
He didn’t know. What man spent with the creative effort of a novel has
the vitality to beget another right away? He feels that the very last
drop of all that he has known and suffered and enjoyed has been used to
the making of the book. For the making of another nothing is left.
“I suppose I’ll have to lie fallow for a week or so,” said the young
optimist.
“And as soon as things begin to sprout you’ll let me know?” asked
Olivia, forgetful that before harvest there must be seed time.
He promised; went home and cudgelled tired brains; also cudgelled, for
different reasons, an untired and restless soul.
Let him make good, not ephemerally as the picturesque narrator of
personal adventure, but definitely, with this novel as the creative
artist—the fervent passion of his life—and he would establish himself
in her eyes, in her mind, in her heart; so that treading solid ground,
he could say to her: “This is what I am, and for what I am, take me. All
that has gone before was but a crude foundation. I had to take such
rubbish and rubble as I could find to hand.” But until then, let him
regard her as a divinity beyond his reach, rendering her service and
worship, but forbearing to soil her white robe with a touch as yet
unhallowed.
Many a time, they could have read no more that day. Just one swift
movement, glance or cry on the part of the man, and the pulses of youth
would have throbbed wildly together. He knew it. The knowledge was at
once his Heaven and his Hell. A less sensitive human being would not
have appreciated the quivering and vital equipoise. Many a time he
parted from her with the farewell of comradely intimacy on his lips, and
when the lift had deposited him on the street level his heart had been
like lead and his legs as water, so that he stumbled out into the
lamp-lit dark of night like a paralytic or a drunken man.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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