English fiction -- 19th century; Short stories, English
As she realised, for the first time, the inevitable consequences of
success, she asked herself in despair what she ought to do--where her
plain duty lay?
Did she love George--or was it all delusion, and was he less to her than
mere superfluities, the fringe of life?
She did love him, in spite of any passing disloyalty of thought. She
felt his sterling worth and goodness, even his weaknesses had something
lovable in them for her.
And he had been planning, spending, working all this time to give her
pleasure, and this was his reward! She had been within an ace of letting
him see the cruel ingratitude that was in her heart! 'What a selfish
wretch I have been!' she thought; 'but I won't be--no, I won't! George
shall _not_ be snubbed, hurt, estranged from his family on my account!'
No, she would suffer--she alone--and in silence. Never by a word would
she betray to him the pain his well-intentioned action cost her. Not
even to her mother and Flossie would she permit herself to utter the
least complaint, lest they should insist upon opening George's eyes!
So, having arrived at this heroic resolve, in which she found a touch of
the sublime that almost consoled her, the tears dried on her cheeks and
Ella fell asleep at last.
Some readers, no doubt--though possibly few of our heroine's sex--will
smile scornfully at this crumpled rose-leaf agony, this tempest in a
Dresden teacup; and the writer is not concerned to deny that the
situation has its ludicrous side.
But, for a girl brought up as Ella Hylton had been, in an artistic
_milieu_, her eye insensibly trained to love all that was beautiful in
colour and form, to be almost morbidly sensitive to ugliness and
vulgarity--it was a very real and bitter struggle, a hard-won victory to
come to such a decision as she formed. Life, Heaven knows, contains
worse trials and deeper tragedies than this; but at least Ella's happy
life had as yet known no harder.
And, so far, she must be given the credit of having conquered.
Resolution is, no doubt, half the battle. Unfortunately, Ella's
resolution, though she hardly perceived this at present, could not be
effected by one isolated and final act, but by a long chain of daily and
hourly forbearances, the first break in which would undo all that had
gone before.
How she bore the test we are going to see.
She woke the next morning to a sense that her life had somehow lost its
savour; the exaltation of her resolve overnight had gone off and left
her spirits flat and dead; but she came down, nevertheless, determined
to be staunch and true to George under all provocations.
'Have you and George decided when you would like your wedding to be?'
asked her mother, after breakfast, 'because we ought to have the
invitations printed very soon.'
'Not yet,' faltered Ella, and the words might have passed either as an
answer or an appeal.
'I think it should be some time before the end of next month, or people
will be going out of town.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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