Slowly he strolled back along the hill. That dim light, high up on the
shrouded walls of Beechcote, seemed to go with him, softly, insistently
reminding him of Diana. The thought of her moved him deeply. He longed
to have her in his arms, to comfort her, to feel her dependent on him
for the recovery of joy and vitality. It was only by an obstinate and
eager dwelling upon her sweetness and charm that he could protect
himself against the rise of an invading wave of repugnance and
depression; the same repugnance, the same instinctive longing to escape,
which he had always felt, as boy or man, in the presence of sickness, or
death, or mourning.
* * * * *
Marsham had been long asleep in his queer little room at "The Green
Man." The last lights were out in the village, and the moon had set.
Diana stole out of bed; Muriel must not hear her, Muriel whose eyes were
already so tired and tear-worn with another's grief. She went to the
window, and, throwing a shawl over her, she knelt there, looking out.
She was dimly conscious of stars, of the hill, the woods; what she
really _saw_ was a prison room as she was able to imagine it, and her
mother lying there--her young mother--only four years older than she,
Diana, was now. Or again she saw the court of law--the judge in the
black cap--and her mother looking up. Fanny had said she was small and
slight--with dark hair.
The strange frozen horror of it made tears--or sleep--or
rest--impossible. She did not think much of Marsham; she could hardly
remember what she had written to him. Love was only another anguish. Nor
could it protect her from the images which pursued her. The only thought
which seemed to soothe the torture of imagination was the thought
stamped on her brain tissue by the long inheritance of centuries--the
thought of Christ on Calvary. "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken
me?" The words repeated themselves again and again. She did not pray in
words. But her agony crept to the foot of what has become through the
action and interaction of two thousand years, the typical and
representative agony of the world, and, clinging there, made wild
appeal, like the generations before her, to a God in whose hand lie the
creatures of His will.
* * * * *
"Mrs. Colwood said I might come and say good-bye to you," said Fanny
Merton, holding her head high.
She stood on the threshold of Diana's little sitting-room, looking in.
There was an injured pride in her bearing, balanced by a certain anxiety
which seemed to keep it within bounds.
"Please come in," said Diana.
She rose with difficulty from the table where she was forcing herself to
write a letter. Had she followed her own will she would have been up at
her usual time and down to breakfast. But she had turned faint while
dressing, and Mrs. Colwood had persuaded her to let some tea be brought
up-stairs.
Fanny came in, half closing the door.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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