The Texan: A Story of the Cattle Country — John Shaqi
The Texan: A Story of the Cattle CountryHendryx, James B. (James Beardsley)
General
The Texan: A Story of the Cattle Country
Hendryx, James B. (James Beardsley)
Texas -- Fiction; Western stories
"Pedro," he said, "me an' you, fallin' heir to an onexpected legacy this
way, it's fit an' proper we should celebrate accordin' to our lights.
The common an' onchristian way would be to spliflicate around from one
saloon to another 'till we'd took in the whole town an' acquired a couple
of jags an' more or less onfavourable notoriety. Then, in a couple of
days or two, we'd wake up with fur on our tongue an inch long an' our
wealth divided amongst thieves. But, Pedro, such carryin's-on is
ondecent an' improvident. Take them great captains of industry you read
about! D'you reckon every pay-day old Andy Rockyfellow goes a rampin'
down Main Street back there in Noo York, proclaimin' he's a wolf an' it's
his night to howl? Not on your tintype, he don't! If he did he'd never
of rose out of the rank an' file of the labourin' class, an' chances is,
would of got fired out of that fer not showin' up at the corral Monday
mornin'! Y'see I be'n a-readin' up on the lives of these here saints to
kind of get a line on how they done it. Take that whole bunch an' they
wasn't hardly a railroad nor a oil mill nor a steel factory between 'em
when they was born. I got all their numbers. I know jest how they done
it, an' when I get time I'm a-goin' out an' make the Guggenhimers cough
up my share of Mexico an' the Rocky Mountains an' Alaska.
"But to get down to cases, as the preachers says: Old Andy he don't
cantankerate none noticeable. When he feels needful of a jamboree he
goes down to the bank an' fills his pockets an' a couple of valises with
change, an' gum-shoes down to John D. Swab's, an' they hunt up Charley
Carnage an' a couple of senators an' a rack of chips an' they finds 'em a
back room, pulls off their collars an' coats an' goes to it. They ain't
no kitty only to cover the needful expenses of drinks, eats, an'
smokes--an' everything goes, from cold-decks to second-dealin'. Then
when they've derove recreation enough, on goes their collars an' coats,
an' they eat a handful of cloves an' get to work on the public again.
They's a lot of money changes hands in these here sessions but it never
gets out of the gang, an' after you get their brands you c'n generally
always tell who got gouged by noticin' what goes up. If coal oil hists a
couple of cents on the gallon you know Andy carried his valises home
empty an' if railroad rates jumps--the senators got nicked a little, an'
vicy versy. Now you an' me ain't captains of industry, nor nothin' else
but our own soul, as the piece goes, but 'tain't no harm we should try a
law-abidin' recreation, same as these others, an' mebbe after some
practice we'll get to where the Guggenhimers will be figgerin' how to get
the western hemisphere of North America back from us.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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