Over a Bottle he let him know his Inclination, and the good-natur'd old Gentleman, who could refuse nothing to so dear a Friend, was prevailed upon to accept of a _Gold Watch_ in Exchange for his _Stool_. It was immediately sent down to the Mansion-house in the Country, where it is to be seen finely incased, and is shewn to all Strangers as the most valuable Rarity of the Family. _Tom Varnish_, who is a Pupil of our old Humourists, is a good Proficient in his Way of Conversation: Whenever you see him, he's just come from visiting some great Person of Quality. If a Game at _Hombre_ be proposed, and you are settling your Way of Play, he says, _We never play it so at the Dutchess's_. If you ask him to take a Glass of Wine at a Tavern with you, he is always engaged in a _Parti quarre_; and then he speaks all the _French_ he is Master of. If he has an Amour, it is with a Woman of Quality. He sits in the Side Box the first Act of the Play, and stays no longer, for some Reasons best known to himself. It happened once, that a Person sat next to him, who, by his Star and Garter, he knew to be of the first Rank: _Tom_, seeing some of his Acquaintance in the middle Gallery, thought it would be for his Reputation to be seen to talk with this Gentleman; therefore, observing when the Eyes of his Acquaintance were upon him, he drew his Lips near my Lord's Ear, and asked him _what a Clock it was_; my Lord answered him; then _Tom_ look'd up again, and smiled; and when he talked with his Friends next, told them, that his Lordship had informed him of some Changes designed at Court, not yet made publick; and therefore they must pardon him if he did not communicate. He did not come off so well upon another Occasion; for having boasted of a great Intimacy with a certain Foreign Minister, _Tom_ was asked by some Gentlemen to go one Evening to his Assembly: He willingly accepted the Party, thinking by their Means to get Admittance: They, on the contrary, expected to be introduced by him; when they came into his Excellency's House, the Porter, who had dress'd himself in his great Coat, which was richly laced, and having a good Wig, well powder'd, was coming down to take his Post; _Tom_ seeing the Richness of the Habit, fancied it was a Robe worn by Foreigners, mistook the _Porter_ for the Embassador, and, making several low Bows, began to address him with, _May it please your Excellency_. The Fellow answered, Sir, if you'd speak with my Lord, I'll call one of his Gentlemen to you; this raised a Laugh against him by his Companions, and _Tom_ walked off defeated in his Vanity, tho' he would fain have laid the Mistake on a sudden Absence of Thought, and asserted, that he had frequently conversed with the Ambassador.