Sometimes, too, one has the grief of seeing a slow and subtle change
passing over the manner and face of one for whom one cares--not the
change of languor or physical weakness; that can be pityingly borne;
but one sees innocence withering, indifference to things wholesome and
fair creeping on, even sometimes a ripe and evil sort of beauty
maturing, such as comes of looking at evil unashamed, and seeing its
strong seductiveness. One feels instinctively that the door which had
been open before between such a soul and one's own spirit is being
slowly and firmly closed, or even, if one attempts to open it, pulled
to with a swift motion; and then one may hear sounds within, and even
see, in that moment, a rush of gliding forms, that makes one sure that
a visitant is there, who has brought with him a wicked company; and
then one has to wait in sadness, with now and then a timid knocking,
even happy, it may be, if the soul sometimes call fretfully within, to
say that it is occupied and cannot come forth.
But sometimes, God be praised, it is the other way. A year ago a man
came at his own request to see me. I hardly knew him; but I could see
at once that he was in the grip of some hard conflict, which withered
his natural bloom. I do not know how all came to be revealed; but in a
little while he was speaking with simple frankness and naturalness of
all his troubles, and they were many. What was the most touching thing
of all was that he spoke as if he were quite alone in his experience,
isolated and shut off from his kind, in a peculiar horror of darkness
and doubt; as if the thoughts and difficulties at which he stumbled had
never strewn a human path before. I said but little to him; and,
indeed, there was but little to say. It was enough that he should
"cleanse the stuff'd bosom of the perilous stuff that weighs upon the
heart." I tried to make him feel that he was not alone in the matter,
and that other feet had trodden the dark path before him. No advice is
possible in such cases; "therein the patient must minister to himself";
the solution lies in the mind of the sufferer. He knows what he ought
to do; the difficulty is for him sufficiently to desire to do it; yet
even to speak frankly of cares and troubles is very often to melt and
disperse the morbid mist that gathers round them, which grows in
solitude. To state them makes them plain and simple; and, indeed, it
is more than that; for I have often noticed that the mere act of
formulating one's difficulties in the hearing of one who sympathises
and feels, often brings the solution with it. One finds, like
Christian in Doubting Castle, the key which has lain in one's bosom all
the time--the key of Promise; and when one has finished the recital,
one is lost in bewilderment that one ever was in any doubt at all.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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