There sometimes falls upon me a great hunger of heart, a sad desire to
build up and renew something--a broken building it may be, a fading
flower, a failing institution, a ruinous character. I feel a great and
vivid pity for a thing which sets out to be so bright and beautiful,
and lapses into shapeless and uncomely neglect. Sometimes, indeed, it
must be a desolate grief, a fruitless sorrow: as when a flower that has
stood on one's table, and cheered the air with its freshness and
fragrance, begins to droop, and to grow stained and sordid. Or I see
some dying creature, a wounded animal; or even some well-loved friend
under the shadow of death, with the hue of health fading, the dear
features sharpening for the last change; and then one can only bow,
with such resignation as one can muster, before the dreadful law of
death, pray that the passage may not be long or dark, and try to dream
of the bright secrets that may be waiting on the other side.
But sometimes it is a more fruitful sadness, when one feels that decay
can be arrested, that new life can be infused; that a fresh start may
be taken, and a life may be beautifully renewed, and be even the
brighter, one dares to hope, for a lapse into the dreary ways of
bitterness.
This sadness is most apt to beset those who have anything to do with
the work of education. One feels sometimes, with a sudden shiver, as
when the shadow of a cloud passes over a sunlit garden, that many
elements are at work in a small society; that an evil secret is
spreading over lives that were peaceful and contented, that suspicion
and disunion and misunderstanding are springing up, like poisonous
weeds, in the quiet corner that God has given one to dress and keep.
Then perhaps one tries to put one's hand on what is amiss; sometimes
one does too much, and in the wrong way; one has not enough faith, one
dares not leave enough to God. Or from timidity or diffidence, or from
the base desire not to be troubled, from the poor hope that perhaps
things will straighten themselves out, one does too little; and that is
the worst shadow of all, the shadow of cowardice or sloth.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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