I do not readily submit to this mood, and I would wish it away. I
would rather feel joyful and free from blame; but Gray called it a good
easy state, and it certainly has its compensations. It does not, like
Melancholy, lay a dark hand on duties and pleasures alike; it is
possible to work, to read, to talk, to laugh when it is by. But it
sends flowing through the mind a gentle current of sad and weary images
and thoughts, which still have a beauty of their own; it tinges one's
life with a sober greyness of hue; it heightens perception, though it
prevents enjoyment. In such a mood one can sit silent a long time,
with one's eyes cast upon the grass; one sees the delicate forms of the
tender things that spring softly out of the dark ground; one hears with
a poignant delight the clear notes of birds; something of the spring
languors move within the soul. There is a sense, too, of reaching out
to light and joy, a stirring of the vague desires of the heart, a
tender hope, an upward-climbing faith; the heart sighs for a peace that
it cannot attain.
To-day I walked slowly and pensively by little woods and pastures,
taking delight in all the quiet life I saw, the bush pricked with
points of green, the boughs thickened with small reddening buds, the
slow stream moving through the pasture; all the tints faint, airy, and
delicate; the life of the world seemed to hang suspended, waiting for
the forward leap. In a little village I stood awhile to watch the
gables of an ancient house, the wing of a ruined grange, peer solemnly
over the mellow brick wall that guarded a close of orchard trees. A
little way behind, the blunt pinnacles of the old church-tower stood
up, blue and dim, over the branching elms; beyond all ran the long,
pure line of the rising wold. Everything seemed so still, so serene,
as a long, pale ray of the falling sun, which laboured among flying
clouds, touched the westward gables with gold--and mine the only
troubled, unquiet spirit. Hard by there was an old man tottering about
in a little garden, fumbling with some plants, like Laertes on the
upland farm. His worn face, his ragged beard, his pitifully-patched
and creased garments made him a very type of an ineffectual sadness.
Perhaps his thoughts ran as sadly as my own, but I do not think it was
so, because the minds of many country-people, and of almost all the
old, of whatever degree, seem to me free from what is the curse of
delicately-trained and highly-strung temperaments--namely, the
temptation to be always reverting to the past, or forecasting the
future. Simple people and aged people put that aside, and live quite
serenely in the moment; and that is what I believe we ought all to
attempt, for most moments are bearable, if one only does not import
into them the weight of the future and the regret of the past. To
seize the moment with all its conditions, to press the quality out of
it, that is the best victory. But, alas! we are so made that though we
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