Civil service -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction
It was beautiful then to see how Mr. Jobbles swam down the long room
and handed out his examination papers to the different candidates as he
passed them. 'Twas a pity there should have been but five; the man did
it so well, so quickly, with such a gusto! He should have been allowed
to try his hand upon five hundred instead of five. His step was so rapid
and his hand and arm moved so dexterously, that no conceivable number
would have been too many for him. But, even with five, he showed at once
that the right man was in the right place. Mr. Jobbles was created for
the conducting of examinations.
And then the five candidates, who had hitherto been all ears, of a
sudden became all eyes, and devoted themselves in a manner which would
have been delightful to Sir Gregory, to the papers before them. Sir
Warwick, in the meantime, was seated in his chair, hard at work looking
through his millstone.
It is a dreadful task that of answering examination papers--only to
be exceeded in dreadfulness by the horrors of Mr. Jobbles' viva voce
torments. A man has before him a string of questions, and he looks
painfully down them, from question to question, searching for some
allusion to that special knowledge which he has within him. He too often
finds that no such allusion is made. It appears that the Jobbles of the
occasion has exactly known the blank spots of his mind and fitted them
all. He has perhaps crammed himself with the winds and tides, and there
is no more reference to those stormy subjects than if Luna were extinct;
but he has, unfortunately, been loose about his botany, and question
after question would appear to him to have been dictated by Sir Joseph
Paxton or the head-gardener at Kew. And then to his own blank face and
puzzled look is opposed the fast scribbling of some botanic candidate,
fast as though reams of folio could hardly contain all the knowledge
which he is able to pour forth.
And so, with a mixture of fast-scribbling pens and blank faces, our five
friends went to work. The examination lasted for four days, and it
was arranged that on each of the four days each of the five candidates
should be called up to undergo a certain quantum of Mr. Jobbles' viva
voce. This part of his duty Mr. Jobbles performed with a mildness of
manner that was beyond all praise. A mother training her first-born to
say 'papa,' could not do so with a softer voice, or more affectionate
demeanour.
'The planet Jupiter,' said he to Mr. Precis; 'I have no doubt you know
accurately the computed distance of that planet from the sun, and also
that of our own planet. Could you tell me now, how would you calculate
the distance in inches, say from London Bridge to the nearest portion of
Jupiter's disc, at twelve o'clock on the first of April?' Mr. Jobbles,
as he put his little question, smiled the sweetest of smiles, and spoke
in a tone conciliating and gentle, as though he were asking Mr. Precis
to dine with him and take part of a bottle of claret at half-past six.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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