"Ever yours, dear,
"NIGEL."
Janey folded the letter with trembling hands. It filled her with a kind
of pitiful anguish, for she knew that the only thing in it that
interested her was the reference to Quentin. Nigel's wonderful concert,
about which she and Len had dreamed so many dreams, had faded into the
background of her thoughts, driven out by her sleepless, bruising
anxiety for her lover.
It was over a fortnight since he had written. She had before her his
last letter, in which he said: "I will write again in a day or two, and
tell you the exact date of my return." She had waited, but the letter
had not come. She had written, but had had no answer. What could have
happened?
There had been nothing in the past few weeks to make her expect this
silence. His last bid for independence had met with more success than
the others. He had fought hard against failure and discouragement, and
had now found work on one or two good dailies. Their marriage was at
last in sight. He was expected home for a couple of weeks' holiday, then
he would work on through the autumn, and there was no reason why, if
things prospered, they should not be married soon after Christmas.
Yes--at last their marriage was a thing to be reckoned with, talked
about, and planned for. For the first time Janey could consider such
things as home and outfit, breaking the news to her brothers, and
leaving Sparrow Hall--all were now within the range of probability and
expectation. But a terrible gloom had settled on these last days. It was
not merely her sorrow at leaving the farm and the boys--it was something
less accountable and more tempestuous than that. It had its source in
Quentin's letters. She could see that he was not happy--their marriage,
their longed-for, prayed-for, wept-for, worked-for marriage, was not
bringing him happiness. On the contrary, his suffering seemed to have
increased. His doubts and forebodings had been transferred from material
circumstances to more subtle terrors of soul--he doubted the future more
passionately, because more spiritually, than ever.
Janey had not been able to understand this at first, but in time his
attitude had communicated itself to her, though whether her distrust was
independent or merely a reflection of his, it would be hard to say.
Anyhow, she doubted--fiercely, miserably, despondingly. She had started,
on his recommendation, to make herself some clothes, but the work lagged
and depressed her. She found herself hungering for the early times of
their courtship, when their marriage was a dream made golden by
distance. She thought of the days when his name had rung like bells in
her heart, without a horrid dissonance of fear, when his letters were
pure joy, and the thought of meeting him pure anticipation. Would those
days return?--And now, here was his silence, consuming her. Why didn't
he write? He had been so eager in his last letter, though, as usual,
eagerness had soon been throttled by despair.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account