JOHN (_astounded_.) Stay me with flagons! TRANTO. So that's that! And who else? CULVER. Another of your esteemed uncles. TRANTO. Well, that's not very startling, seeing that my uncle's chief daily organ is really a department of the Government. JOHN. What I say is-- HILDEGARDE (_simultaneously with_ John). Wouldn't it be more correct--(_continuing alone_) wouldn't it be more correct to say that the Government is really a department of your uncle's chief daily organ? JOHN. Hilda, old girl, I wish you wouldn't interrupt. Cookery's your line. HILDEGARDE. Sorry, Johnnie. I see I was in danger of becoming unsexed. CULVER (_to_ John). Yes? You were about to say? JOHN. Oh, nothing. CULVER (_to_ Tranto). Shall I read the passage on your uncle? TRANTO. Don't trouble. Who's the next? CULVER. The next is--Ullivant, munitions manufacturer. Let me see. (_Reads_.) By the simple means of saying that the cost price of shells was eighteen shillings and ninepence each, whereas it was in fact only ten shillings and ninepence, Mr. Joshua Ullivant has made a fortune of two million pounds during the war. He has given a hundred thousand to the Prince of Wales's Fund, a hundred thousand to the Red Cross, and a hundred thousand to the party funds. Total net profit on the war, one million seven hundred thousand pounds, not counting the peerage which is now bestowed upon him, and which it must be admitted is a just reward for his remarkable business acumen.' TRANTO. Very agreeable fellow Ullivant is, nevertheless. CULVER. Oh, he is. They're most of them too damned agreeable for anything. Another prominent name is Orlando Bush. TRANTO. Ah! MRS. CULVER. I've met his wife. She dances beautifully at charity matinees. CULVER. No doubt. But apparently that's not the reason. TRANTO. I know Orlando. I've just bought the serial rights of his book. CULVER. Have you paid him? TRANTO. No. CULVER. How wise of you! (_Reads_). 'Mr. Orlando Bush has written a historical sketch, with many circumstantial details, of the political origins of the present Government. For his forbearance in kindly consenting to withold publication until the end of the war Mr. Bush receives a well-earned'-- TRANTO. What? CULVER. Knighthood. TRANTO. Cheap! But what a sell for me! CULVER. Now, ladies and gentlemen, the last name with which I will trouble you is that of Mr. James Brill. TRANTO. Not Jimmy Brill! CULVER. Jimmy Brill. TRANTO. But he's a-- CULVER. Stop, my dear Tranto. No crude phrases, please. (_Reads_.) 'Mr. James Brill, to use the language of metaphor, possessed a pistol, which pistol he held point blank at the head of the Government. The Government has thought it wise to purchase Mr. James Brill's pistol--' TRANTO. But he's a-- CULVER (_raising a hand_). He is merely the man with the pistol, and in exchange for the pistol he gets a baronetcy. TRANTO. A baronetcy!