First loves -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Russian fiction -- Translations into English
Zinaïda avoided me; my presence—I could not help noticing it—affected
her disagreeably. She involuntarily turned away from me …
involuntarily; that was what was so bitter, that was what crushed me!
But there was no help for it, and I tried not to cross her path, and
only to watch her from a distance, in which I was not always
successful. As before, something incomprehensible was happening to her;
her face was different, she was different altogether. I was specially
struck by the change that had taken place in her one warm still
evening. I was sitting on a low garden bench under a spreading
elderbush; I was fond of that nook; I could see from there the window
of Zinaïda’s room. I sat there; over my head a little bird was busily
hopping about in the darkness of the leaves; a grey cat, stretching
herself at full length, crept warily about the garden, and the first
beetles were heavily droning in the air, which was still clear, though
it was not light. I sat and gazed at the window, and waited to see if
it would open; it did open, and Zinaïda appeared at it. She had on a
white dress, and she herself, her face, shoulders, and arms, were pale
to whiteness. She stayed a long while without moving, and looked out
straight before her from under her knitted brows. I had never known
such a look on her. Then she clasped her hands tightly, raised them to
her lips, to her forehead, and suddenly pulling her fingers apart, she
pushed back her hair behind her ears, tossed it, and with a sort of
determination nodded her head, and slammed-to the window.
Three days later she met me in the garden. I was turning away, but she
stopped me of herself.
“Give me your arm,” she said to me with her old affectionateness, “it’s
a long while since we have had a talk together.”
I stole a look at her; her eyes were full of a soft light, and her face
seemed as it were smiling through a mist.
“Are you still not well?” I asked her.
“No, that’s all over now,” she answered, and she picked a small red
rose. “I am a little tired, but that too will pass off.”
“And will you be as you used to be again?” I asked.
Zinaïda put the rose up to her face, and I fancied the reflection of
its bright petals had fallen on her cheeks. “Why, am I changed?” she
questioned me.
“Yes, you are changed,” I answered in a low voice.
“I have been cold to you, I know,” began Zinaïda, “but you mustn’t pay
attention to that … I couldn’t help it…. Come, why talk about it!”
“You don’t want me to love you, that’s what it is!” I cried gloomily,
in an involuntary outburst.
“No, love me, but not as you did.”
“How then?”
“Let us be friends—come now!” Zinaïda gave me the rose to smell.
“Listen, you know I’m much older than you—I might be your aunt, really;
well, not your aunt, but an older sister. And you …”
“You think me a child,” I interrupted.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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