First loves -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Russian fiction -- Translations into English
My mother next day announced her intention of returning to the town. In
the morning my father had gone into her bedroom, and stayed there a
long while alone with her. No one had overheard what he said to her;
but my mother wept no more; she regained her composure, and asked for
food, but did not make her appearance nor change her plans. I remember
I wandered about the whole day, but did not go into the garden, and
never once glanced at the lodge, and in the evening I was the spectator
of an amazing occurrence: my father conducted Count Malevsky by the arm
through the dining-room into the hall, and, in the presence of a
footman, said icily to him: “A few days ago your excellency was shown
the door in our house; and now I am not going to enter into any kind of
explanation with you, but I have the honour to announce to you that if
you ever visit me again, I shall throw you out of window. I don’t like
your handwriting.” The count bowed, bit his lips, shrank away, and
vanished.
Preparations were beginning for our removal to town, to Arbaty Street,
where we had a house. My father himself probably no longer cared to
remain at the country house; but clearly he had succeeded in persuading
my mother not to make a public scandal. Everything was done quietly,
without hurry; my mother even sent her compliments to the old princess,
and expressed her regret that she was prevented by indisposition from
seeing her again before her departure. I wandered about like one
possessed, and only longed for one thing, for it all to be over as soon
as possible. One thought I could not get out of my head: how could she,
a young girl, and a princess too, after all, bring herself to such a
step, knowing that my father was not a free man, and having an
opportunity of marrying, for instance, Byelovzorov? What did she hope
for? How was it she was not afraid of ruining her whole future? Yes, I
thought, this is love, this is passion, this is devotion … and Lushin’s
words came back to me: to sacrifice oneself for some people is sweet. I
chanced somehow to catch sight of something white in one of the windows
of the lodge…. “Can it be Zinaïda’s face?” I thought … yes, it really
was her face. I could not restrain myself. I could not part from her
without saying a last good-bye to her. I seized a favourable instant,
and went into the lodge.
In the drawing-room the old princess met me with her usual slovenly and
careless greetings.
“How’s this, my good man, your folks are off in such a hurry?” she
observed, thrusting snuff into her nose. I looked at her, and a load
was taken off my heart. The word “loan,” dropped by Philip, had been
torturing me. She had no suspicion … at least I thought so then.
Zinaïda came in from the next room, pale, and dressed in black, with
her hair hanging loose; she took me by the hand without a word, and
drew me away with her.
“I heard your voice,” she began, “and came out at once. Is it so easy
for you to leave us, bad boy?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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