First loves -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Russian fiction -- Translations into English
I made him no reply. He asked me for tobacco. To get rid of him (I was
in a fret of impatience, too), I took a few steps in the direction in
which my father had disappeared, then walked along the little street to
the end, turned the corner, and stood still. In the street, forty paces
from me, at the open window of a little wooden house, stood my father,
his back turned to me; he was leaning forward over the window-sill, and
in the house, half hidden by a curtain, sat a woman in a dark dress
talking to my father; this woman was Zinaïda.
I was petrified. This, I confess, I had never expected. My first
impulse was to run away. “My father will look round,” I thought, “and I
am lost …” but a strange feeling—a feeling stronger than curiosity,
stronger than jealousy, stronger even than fear—held me there. I began
to watch; I strained my ears to listen. It seemed as though my father
were insisting on something. Zinaïda would not consent. I seem to see
her face now—mournful, serious, lovely, and with an inexpressible
impress of devotion, grief, love, and a sort of despair—I can find no
other word for it. She uttered monosyllables, not raising her eyes,
simply smiling—submissively, but without yielding. By that smile alone,
I should have known my Zinaïda of old days. My father shrugged his
shoulders, and straightened his hat on his head, which was always a
sign of impatience with him…. Then I caught the words: “_Vous devez
vous séparer de cette…_” Zinaïda sat up, and stretched out her arm….
Suddenly, before my very eyes, the impossible happened. My father
suddenly lifted the whip, with which he had been switching the dust off
his coat, and I heard a sharp blow on that arm, bare to the elbow. I
could scarcely restrain myself from crying out; while Zinaïda
shuddered, looked without a word at my father, and slowly raising her
arm to her lips, kissed the streak of red upon it. My father flung away
the whip, and running quickly up the steps, dashed into the house….
Zinaïda turned round, and with outstretched arms and downcast head, she
too moved away from the window.
My heart sinking with panic, with a sort of awe-struck horror, I rushed
back, and running down the lane, almost letting go my hold of Electric,
went back to the bank of the river. I could not think clearly of
anything. I knew that my cold and reserved father was sometimes seized
by fits of fury; and all the same, I could never comprehend what I had
just seen…. But I felt at the time that, however long I lived, I could
never forget the gesture, the glance, the smile, of Zinaïda; that her
image, this image so suddenly presented to me, was imprinted for ever
on my memory. I stared vacantly at the river, and never noticed that my
tears were streaming. “She is beaten,” I was thinking,… “beaten …
beaten….”
“Hullo! what are you doing? Give me the mare!” I heard my father’s
voice saying behind me.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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