"Oh, you needn't. You'll save yourself a lot of trouble by simply taking
my word for it. In any case it's getting on for thirty years ago. Oh,
don't I just remember!... I was nine and he was fourteen; I was ten and
he was fifteen; I was eleven and he was sixteen. She's just a year older
than I am. Our pew was half-way down the church, but she sat up one of
the aisles, right under a stained-glass window there was. It used to
make that light on her hair. My hair was the wrong colour--I knew it
then--just a dark mop--but anyway it was full of life. It would still
have been dark, of course, even if I'd sat under the window instead of
her, but I've sometimes thought it might have made a difference. Then
there was all the rest; Dicksee's 'Harmony' sort of effect; all so cool
and dim and saintly; and the organ and the Psalms. _That's_ what filled
his head, and I honestly believe that unless women are just animals to
him he sees them like that still--just about as much flesh and blood as
that window was. All she had to do was to have that hair and those eyes
and to sit in the vicarage pew. Things are made very simple for some
women."
A long silence fell between us. Evidently she was back in that church,
an adoring wrong-coloured-haired girl of eleven, shifting in her seat to
see, past intervening bonnets and bald heads, Derry's browny-gold crown,
while he watched Daffy Wade and the window.
"But," I said at last, "aren't you rather anticipating? I thought we'd
settled he was thirty-five or thirty-three. That's making him sixteen
already."
She rose abruptly.
"George, do you realise that we're the last people here and that they've
turned half the lights out?" Then, drawing forward her furs from the
back of her chair, "It isn't making him anything of the sort. You're
more than thirty-five; but you sometimes _remember_ what you were at
sixteen, don't you?... Come and put me into my Tube and off you go to
bed. Who knows?--he might 'blow in' to Cambridge Circus----"
* * * * *
"_You sometimes remember what you were at sixteen!_"
I wondered, as I walked slowly up Shaftesbury Avenue that night, whether
she realised what she had said. I hoped not. I prayed not; because her
words seemed to me to murder her own cherished hope--that he was safely
past that turbulent phase and back at thirty-three again.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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