JUDGE. Prisoner, what have you to say in mitigation of the sentence of the Court, pertaining to this heinous, serious charge? PRISONER. I was guilty, your Honor, but that 'ere man (_points to the prosecutor_) came alone, and placed himself in my way. JUDGE. Prisoner, is that your only defence? Were you hungry--were you hard up? PRISONER. Had not one dime to rub against another. JUDGE. The decision of this honorable Court is---- LAWYER (_interrupting_). Your Honor, so far from being hungry, he had on him--his person--a massive silver watch and a diamond ring. JUDGE. What! Prisoners wear diamond rings? LAWYER. Just the truth, your Honor. JUDGE. Prisoner, look on the Court. You, having pleaded guilty to this most heinous, serious charge, the Court decides that you be taken back to jail, the diamond ring confiscated for the Court's own use, you to deliver up both watches to the prosecutor, and be by him sentenced to work at hard labor as many days as he may see fit. [_Exit PRISONER._ JUDGE. Call the next case. LAWYER. The next, your Honor, is an outfall betwixt a butcher and a baker. JUDGE. A cat-fall between a butcher and a baker! How did that happen? LAWYER. An outfall, your Honor--a misunderstanding--a fight. JUDGE. Let them come into Court. OFFICER (_calls_). Herman Kahlesole and William Paul. (_he brings them in and places in pen._) JUDGE. What is this grave charge all about? LAWYER. Nothing grave, your Honor. It appears that this butcher, on leaving his store, stepped on a piece of fat, and fell with a quarter of beef. Paul, the baker, laughed at him. The butcher got angry, and so they set to punching one another's heads. JUDGE. What! Punch one another's heads after the spill of a quartet of beef? LAWYER. Just the history, Judge. I am instructed to recommend them to the merciful consideration of the Court. JUDGE. Kahlesole, you have heard the charge against you, and the recommendation of your counsel. Are you ready to bury the hatchet? BUTCHER. Vat! Mine ax? Nein, nein. JUDGE. I mean to make peace and shake hands. BUTCHER. Vell, vell, I will; but dot goesh against mine constitution. (_they shake hands and depart._) JUDGE. What is the next charge? LAWYER. Intoxication. JUDGE. Inoculation! Is that anything good to eat? LAWYER. No, your Honor; I said intoxication--too much whisky. JUDGE. Oh! I do comprehend. Call the wine-barrel in. OFFICER (_calls_). Oscar Hubbs, this way in. JUDGE. Hubbs, you were found drunk last night. What have you to say? HUBBS. As long as the fox runs, he gets catched at last. JUDGE. Does the fox ever have a ten-dollar note? HUBBS. Sometimes; but not now. JUDGE. You can go this time; but don't get into this fox-hole again. [_Exit HUBBS._ JUDGE. What is the next charge? LAWYER. Bigamy. JUDGE. Bigger than me! How--in bad deeds?