France -- History -- 16th century -- Fiction; Historical fiction
I was alone now. Ponthieu had made no allusion to our last meeting;
but rough soldier as he seemed, he was possessed of rare tact. And now
he had gone on his reckless mission. I had given my right hand to have
gone with him. It was a jest worth the playing. But it was impossible.
I was bound to Marcilly, and the odds were heavy enough against us to
tempt the most desperate gambler with life. With solitude my thoughts
came back to me and racked me. I had sought for the bread of strength,
and come back with a stone. All this may be nothing to you who pass
by, but where could I turn for help? I, who was fighting for my soul.
As evil thoughts steal into the heart like a fog, as good thoughts
come to us like sunlight through the mist, so once again the light
flashed on me, and I swore to myself to tear up the past, and face my
sorrows like a man. Sleep was impossible. My nerves were too strung
for that. I leaned back, and staring into the fire, began to think. My
dishonor was known but to myself, and with God’s grace I would win
back my own self-respect. The past could not come back; but there was
still the future--and hope. I would fight this battle of the soul here
to-night--here as I sat alone. Alone, did I say? No; I had a hundred
companions. Out of the shadows in the room, out of the dull red embers
in the fireplace, out of the forked flames they came in troops to me,
gray phantoms of sin and shame. There was one, that red-handed spirit
of murder, that could almost hail me brother. There were others, winged
regrets that flitted to and fro. There were the ghosts of high hopes
and noble aspirations, that floated before me with veiled faces and
downcast heads. But through all this the new-born strength was coming
to me. I would be true to Marcilly, true to myself; and when it was
over, if I lived--well, the world was wide, and Gaspard de Vibrac would
find a new life in distant lands. It was as if from afar a soft voice
called to me, “Come unto me, ye that are weary.” I sank on my knees,
and then--some one laughed behind me. I sprang to my feet and faced
round, and standing before me was a tall, black-robed figure, with a
white face and shining eyes. It was Achon.
“Monsieur,” he said, the bitter laugh still on his lips, “I want a word
with you.”
“I--I thought----” I stammered; I was completely taken by surprise.
“That Achon of Arles was some one else,” he put in; “you will see him
in time, Monsieur de Vibrac, not yet. You will see him where hope
shall be cut off, and trust shall be as a spider’s web.”
But I was myself by this. “Monseigneur! You speak in riddles--and
strangely, for a prince of the Church.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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