[_He pays and dismisses him, and stands forlornly in the Gallery, while the Imperfectly Educated Daughter goes on spelling out the Catalogue for her Parents' edification._ CHAPTER V. Culchard has the Best of it. SCENE--_Upper deck of the Rhine Steamer_, Koenig Wilhelm, _somewhere between Bonn and Bingen. The little tables on deck are occupied by English, American, and German tourists, drinking various liquids, from hock to Pilsener beer, and eating veal cutlets._ MR. CYRUS K. TROTTER _is on the lower deck, discussing the comparative merits of the New York hotels with a fellow countryman._ MISS MAUD S. TROTTER _is seated on the afterdeck in close conversation with_ CULCHARD. PODBURY _is perched on a camp-stool in the forward part. Near him a British Matron, with a red-haired son, in a green and black blazer, and a blue flannel nightcap, and a bevy of rabbit-faced daughters, are patronising a tame German Student in spectacles, who speaks a little English._ THE BRITISH MATRON. Oh, you _ought_ to see London; it's our capital--chief city, you know. Very grand--large--four million inhabitants! [_With pride, as being in some way responsible for this._ A RABBIT-FACED DAUGHTER (_with a simper_). Quite a little _world_! [_She looks down her nose, as if in fear of having said something a little_ too _original_. THE GERM. STUD. No, I haf not yet at London peen. Ven I vill pedder Englisch learn, I go. THE BLAZER. You read our English books, I suppose? Dickens, you know, and Homer, eh? About the Trojan War--that's his _best_ work! THE STUD. (_Ollendorffically_). I haf not read Diggins; but I haf read ze bapers by _Bigvig_. Zey are vary indereshtin, and gurious. [Illustration: MR. CYRUS K. TROTTER DISCUSSING NEW YORK HOTELS.] A PATRIOTIC YOUNG SCOT (_to an admiring Elderly Lady in a black_ _mushroom hat_). Eh, but we just made a pairrty and went up Auld Drachenfels, and when we got to th' tope, we danced a richt gude Scots reel, and sang, "_We're a' togither an' naebody by_," concluding--just to show, ye'll understan', that we were loyal subjics--wi' "_God Save_ _th' Queen_." The peasants didna seem just to know what to mak' of us, I prawmise ye! THE BLACK MUSHROOM. How I wish I'd been one of you! THE YOUNG SCOT (_candidly_). I doot your legs would ha' stood such wark. [PODBURY _becomes restless, and picks his way among the campstools to_ CULCHARD _and_ MISS TROTTER. PODBURY (_to himself_). Time _I_ had a look in, I think. (_Aloud._) Well, Miss Trotter, what do you think of the Rhine, as far as you've got? MISS T. Well, I guess it's navigable, as far as _I've_ got. PODB. No, but I mean to say--does it come up to the mark in the scenery line, you know? MISS T. I cannt answer that till I know whereabouts it is they mark the scenery-line. I expect Mr. Culchard knows. He knows pretty well everything. Would you like to have him explain the scenery to you going along? His explanations are vurry improving, I assure you.