THE CHAPLAIN'S WIFE (_to the_ CURATE, _a new arrival_). Oh, you will _very_ soon get into all our little ways. The hours here are _most_ convenient--breakfast (_table d'hote_) with choice of eggs or fish and coffee--really _admirable_ coffee--from eight to nine; midday dinner at one. Supper at nine. Then, if you want to write a letter, the post for England goes out--(_&c., &c._) And on Sundays, eleven o'clock service (Evangelical, of _course!_) at the----(_&c., &c.,_) My husband----(_&c., &c._) FIRST OLD MAID (_looking up from a four days' old "Telegraph"_). I see they are still continuing that very interesting correspondence on "Our Children's Mouths--and are they widening?" One letter attributes it to the habit of thumb-sucking in infancy--which certainly ought to be checked. Now I never _would_ allow any---- THE C.'S. W. Nor I. But corals are quite as bad. Only this afternoon I was telling a Lady in this hotel that her little boy would be much happier with a rubber ring. You get them at a shop in the Hoch-strasse--I can take you to it at any time, or if you like to mention my name----(_&c., &c._) SECOND O. M. One correspondent thought the practice of eating soup with table-spoons tended to enlarge the mouth. I really believe there may be something in it. [_A pause._ THE CURATE. The weather we have been having seems to have materially affected the harvest prospects at home; they say there will be little or no fodder for the cattle this year. I saw somewhere--I forget where it was exactly--a suggestion to feed cows on chickweed. PODB. (_at the bookcase_). Capital thing for them too, Sir. Know a man who never gives his cattle anything else. THE CURATE. Oh, really? And does he find the experiment answer? PODB. They take to it like birds. And--curious thing--after he'd tried it a month, all the cows turned yellow and went about chirping and twittering and hopping. Fact, I assure you! THE CURATE. Dear me--I should scarcely have---- [_He gradually comes to the conclusion that he is being trifled with, and after a few moments of uncomfortable silence, gets up and quits the room with dignity._ PODB. (_to himself_). _One_ of 'em gone! Now if I can only clear these old tabbies out, I can tackle Culchard. (_Aloud, to_ CHAPLAIN'S WIFE.) You don't happen to know if there's a good doctor here, I suppose? A lady was saying in the Musik-saal--the lady with the three daughters who came this afternoon--that she was afraid they were in for bad feverish colds or something, and asking who there was to call in. [Illustration: GETS UP AND QUITS THE ROOM WITH DIGNITY.] THE C.'S W. Oh, I've _no_ belief in foreign doctors. I always find a few drops of aconite or pulsatilla,----I have my homoeopathic case with me now. Perhaps, if I went and had a talk with her I could---- [_She goes out energetically._