Women -- Suffrage -- Great Britain -- Fiction; World War, 1914-1918 -- Great Britain -- Fiction
Frances sat by the open window and looked out into the garden where
Anthony and Norris played, quietly yet fiercely, against Vereker and
Parsons. Frances loved the smell of fresh grass that the balls and the
men's feet struck from the lawn; she loved the men's voices subdued to
Nicky's sleep, and the sound of their padding feet, the thud of the
balls on the turf, the smacking and thwacking of the rackets. She loved
every movement of Anthony's handsome, energetic body; she loved the
quick, supple bodies of the young men, the tense poise and earnest
activity of their adolescence. But it was not Vereker or Parsons or
Norris that she loved or that she saw. It was Michael, Nicholas and John
whose adolescence was foreshadowed in those athletic forms wearing white
flannels; Michael, Nicky and John, in white flannels, playing fiercely.
When young Vereker drew himself to his full height, when his young body
showed lean and slender as he raised his arms for his smashing service,
it was not young Vereker, but Michael, serious and beautiful. When young
Parsons leaped high into the air and thus returned Anthony's facetious
sky-scraper on the volley, that was Nicky. When young Norris turned and
ran at the top of his speed, and overtook the ball on its rebound from
the base line where young Vereker had planted it, when, as by a miracle,
he sent it backwards over his own head, paralysing Vereker and Parsons
with sheer astonishment, that was John.
* * * * *
Her vision passed. She was leaning over Nicky now, Nicky so small in the
big bed. Nicky had moaned.
"Does it count if I make that little noise, Mummy? It sort of lets the
pain out."
"No, my lamb, it doesn't count. Is the pain very bad?"
"Yes, Mummy, awful. It's going faster and faster. And it bizzes. And
when it doesn't bizz, it thumps." He paused--"I think--p'raps--I could
bear it better if I sat on your knee."
Frances thought she could bear it better too. It would be good for Nicky
that he should grow into beautiful adolescence and a perfect manhood;
but it was better for her that he should be a baby still, that she
should have him on her knee and hold him close to her; that she should
feel his adorable body press quivering against her body, and the heat of
his earache penetrating her cool flesh. For now she was lost to herself
and utterly absorbed in Nicky. And her agony became a sort of ecstasy,
as if, actually, she bore his pain.
It was Anthony who could not stand it. Anthony had come in on his way to
his dressing-room. As he looked at Nicky his handsome, hawk-like face
was drawn with a dreadful, yearning, ineffectual pity. Frances had
discovered that her husband could both be and look pathetic. He had
wanted her to be sorry for him and she was sorry for him, because his
male pity was all agony; there was no ecstasy in it of any sort at all.
Nicky was far more her flesh and blood than he was Anthony's.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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