Women -- Suffrage -- Great Britain -- Fiction; World War, 1914-1918 -- Great Britain -- Fiction
"It's no use, Ronny, you're saying you know they're there. I don't. I'd
give anything to believe it. And yet it wouldn't be a bit of good if I
did. I don't _want_ them all changed into something spiritual that I
shouldn't know if it was there. I want their bodies with me just as they
used to be. I want to hear them and touch them, and see them come in in
their old clothes.
"To see Nicky standing on the hearthrug with Timmy in his arms. I want
things like that, Ronny. Even if you're right, it's all clean gone."
Her lips tightened.
"I'm talking as if I was, the only one. But I know it's worse for you,
Ronny. I _had_ them all those years. And I've got Anthony. You've had
nothing but your poor three days."
Veronica thought: "How can I tell her that I've got more than she
thinks? It's awful that I should have what she hasn't." She was ashamed
and beaten before this irreparable, mortal grief.
"And it's worse," Frances said, "for the wretched mothers whose sons
haven't fought."
For her pride rose in her again--the pride that uplifted her
supernaturally when Nicky died.
"You mustn't think I grudge them. I don't. I don't even grudge John."
The silence of Michael's room sank into them, it weighed on their hearts
and they were afraid of each other's voices. Frances was glad when
Dorothy came and they could begin their work there.
But Michael had not left them much to do. They found his papers all in
one drawer of his writing-table, sorted and packed and labelled, ready
for Morton Ellis to take away. One sealed envelope lay in a place by
itself. Frances thought: "He didn't want any of us to touch his things."
Then she saw Veronica's name on the sealed envelope. She was glad when
Veronica left them and went to her hospital.
And when she was gone she wanted her back again.
"I wish I hadn't spoken that way to Veronica," she said.
"She won't mind. She knows you couldn't help it."
"I could, Dorothy, if I wasn't jealous of her. I mean I'm jealous of her
certainty. If I had it, too, I shouldn't be jealous."
"She wants you to have it. She's trying to give it you.
"Mother--how do we know she isn't right? Nicky said she was. And Michael
said Nicky was right.
"If it had been only Nicky--_he_ might have got it from Veronica. But
Michael never got things from anybody. And you _do_ know things in queer
ways. Even I do. At least I did once--when I was in prison. I knew
something tremendous was going to happen. I saw it, or felt it, or
something. I won't swear I knew it was the War. I don't suppose I did.
But I knew Frank was all mixed up with it. And it was the most awfully
real thing. You couldn't go back on it, or get behind it. It was as if
I'd seen that he and Lawrence and Nicky and Michael and all of them
would die in it to save the whole world. Like Christ, only that they
really _did_ die and the whole world _was_ saved. There was nothing
futile about it."
"Well--?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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