The Tremendous Adventures of Major Gahagan — John Shaqi
The Tremendous Adventures of Major GahaganThackeray, William Makepeace
History
The Tremendous Adventures of Major Gahagan
Thackeray, William Makepeace
India -- History -- British occupation, 1765-1947 -- Fiction
That celebrated chieftain’s tents and followers were gathered round one
of the British bungalows which had escaped the flames, and which he
occupied during the siege. When I entered the large room where he sat,
I found him in the midst of a council of war; his chief generals and
viziers seated round him, each smoking his hookah, as is the common way
with these black fellows, before, at, and after breakfast, dinner,
supper, and bedtime. There was such a cloud raised by their smoke you
could hardly see a yard before you- -another piece of good-luck for
me—as it diminished the chances of my detection. When, with the
ordinary ceremonies, the kitmatgars and consomahs had explained to the
prince that Bobbachy Bahawder, the right eye of the Sun of the Universe
(as the ignorant heathens called me), had arrived from his mission,
Holkar immediately summoned me to the maidaun, or elevated platform, on
which he was seated in a luxurious easy-chair, and I, instantly taking
off my slippers, falling on my knees, and beating my head against the
ground ninety-nine times, proceeded, still on my knees, a hundred and
twenty feet through the room, and then up the twenty steps which led to
his maidaun—a silly, painful, and disgusting ceremony, which can only
be considered as a relic of barbarian darkness, which tears the knees
and shins to pieces, let alone the pantaloons. I recommend anybody who
goes to India, with the prospect of entering the service of the native
rajahs, to recollect my advice, and have them _well wadded_.
Well, the right eye of the Sun of the Universe scrambled as well as he
could up the steps of the maidaun (on which, in rows, smoking, as I
have said, the musnuds or general officers were seated), and I arrived
within speaking distance of Holkar, who instantly asked me the success
of my mission. The impetuous old man thereon poured out a multitude of
questions: “How many men are there in the fort?” said he; “how many
women? Is it victualled? have they ammunition? Did you see Gahagan
Sahib, the commander? did you kill him?”
All these questions Jeswunt Row Holkar puffed out with so many whiffs
of tobacco.
Taking a chillum myself, and raising about me such a cloud that, upon
my honour as a gentleman, no man at three yards’ distance could
perceive anything of me except the pillar of smoke in which I was
encompassed, I told Holkar, in Oriental language of course, the best
tale I could with regard to the fort.
“Sir,” said I, “to answer your last question first—that dreadful
Gujputi I have seen—and he is alive: he is eight feet, nearly, in
height; he can eat a bullock daily (of which he has seven hundred at
present in the compound, and swears that during the siege he will
content himself with only three a week): he has lost, in battle, his
left eye; and what is the consequence? O Ram Gunge” (O
thou-with-the-eye-as-bright-as-morning and-with-beard-as-black-as-
night), “Goliah Gujputi—NEVER SLEEPS!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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