ghost—no less a chap than Owd Hamlet, th’ suvverin uv anyshunt Denmark; un’ theerefore a rail _King’s_ ghost (beawt patent). But that may akeawnt fer its peevishness, its tricks, un’ its uncommon way o’ introducin’ itsel’. It wouldn’t appear aw at wonst; at fust it showed its yed; then, giving itsel’ a wry neck, it lugged in its showders un its breast; then it disappeart, un’ shortly begun to ascend wi’ its legs un’ feet, or else a pair uz it had borrowed fro’ a nayburin’ corpse, uppermost; un’ when it had getten so far in seet as its sternum, it flittert abeawt in an ungrayshus manner, as if tryin’ to doance th’ Cure on its yed. Praps it wur _because_ it wur a _King’s_ ghost that it wur so wilful, un’ tried to be so unnatural in its ways, for some o’ th’ owd kings wur rum jockies, un’, for owt we know, owd Hamlet met be loike owd George Thard, who, Byron says, geet into heaven by mistake, wi’ his yed under his arm, not havin’ any use for it in a place wheere good thowts un good principles are alone acceptable. Owd Hamlet met be labburin’ under an idea that Lankishire wur a place in which a chap would be uv as mitch service to his felly crayturs when stonnin’ on his yed as when reort up i’ th’ ushual style on his feet. “This ghostly bizness is cawd an ‘optical illushun.’ Shouldn’t it be cawd an ‘optical _delushun_’? Aw know aw never seed as monny pairs o’ optics so noicely chetted as there wur on this occashun. Professor Buck’s kunjurashuns we know beforehond are nowt but decepshuns; but aw’ll be flogged if i’th’ way o’ bamboozlin’ one’s wits, un’ makin th’ sense uv seet counifogle aw eawr other senses, he isn’t far ayed o’ King’s ghost—a very prince besoide a regilur muff. “Neaw Pepper’s ghosts, they say, are genuine, are wot they’re professed to be—foine specimens uv wot true science un’ profershunal skill con accomplish. When aw th’ whole bevy o’ King’s ghosts are _mustert_, they’re not, placed alungsoide o’ one _Pepper_, wuth so mitch as a pinch o’ _sawt_; though, by th’ way ’at they try to catch owd brids, they met have a lerge stock on hond o’ th’ latter herticle. “But, moind yoa, aw dunnot blame Mestur Harwood, th’ lesse o’ th’ Haw. Now, not I; he, aw understond, has been done as weel, nay to a bigger tune, than th’ public; un’ that he’s doubly vext to think that he should, aimin’ at producin’ every novelty ’ut’s wuth presentin’ to th’ public, pay his good money for a bad ghost! Un’ to aw th’ professhunals engaged at th’ establishment it mun be awfully mortifyin’; for wot gives ’um th’ horrors mooar than an ominous convicshun that th’ _ghost winnot wawk_? Heawever, if awm reetly informt, King’s ghost is to vanish, un’ Pepper’s is to appear in its place. This shows a determinashun not to be done wi’ a pousy Jack-o-lantern.