Dramatists -- Fiction; Greenwich Village (New York, N.Y.) -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
Nothing that had happened hitherto in his life had excited him as had
the events of this evening. The excitement was, indeed, greater than he
could bear. It set his imagination blazing, and there was among Peter's
intricate emotional processes no hose of common sense adequate to the
task of subduing the flames. He stood, breathless, quivering, at the
window, looking out over the dim Square, exulting to the point of
nervous exhaustion. He walked the floor. He laughed aloud. Finally, his
spirit went on around the emotional circle through a high point of
crazy happiness to an equally crazy despondency. More time passed. The
despondency deepened. She had made stipulations. He was not to see her
again. If it should be necessary to communicate, he was to write. She
had been kind about it, but that was what she had said. Yes, she had
been kind, but her reaction would come as his had. She would hate him.
Necessarily. Hy was to that extent right.
He sat on the couch (where she had sat), held the paper in shaking hands
and stared wildly into the dying fire. Thoughts, pictures, were now
racing through his mind, in a mad tangle, hopelessly confused. One
notion he laid hold of as it went by... She had been his guest--here
in his rooms. She had trusted herself with him. He had violated the
trust. If he permitted a man to do such a thing in one of his plays,
it would be for the purpose of exhibiting that man as a cad at
least--probably as a villain. The inference was clear. Any audience that
Peter was capable of mentally projecting would instantly, automatically,
accept him as such. Peter himself knew no other attitude. And now to
find himself guilty of this very act brought the final bewilderment.
So he, Peter, was a cad at least--perhaps a villain.
And then, at the lowest ebb of his reaction, his imagination set to work
building up grotesque plans for a new different life. All these plans
were out of the conventional stuff of his plays; all were theatrical.
They had to do with self-effacement and sacrifice, with expiation, with
true nobility. There was a moment when he considered self-destruction.
If you think this wholly fantastic, I can only say that it was Peter.
Another notion was of turning explorer, becoming a world's rough hand,
of meeting hardship and privation. He pictured himself writing Sue manly
letters, once a year, say. He would live then in her memory not as a cad
or villain, but (perhaps) as a man who had been broken by a great love.
Then, in reminiscent moments, as when she saw a log fire burning low,
she would think tenderly of him. She might even sigh.... And he tried to
think out acceptable devices for leaving his money in her hands. For he
must see the Nature Film through.
He had just finished deciding this when Hy Lowe came.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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