PROTEUS.
But dost thou hear? Gav’st thou my letter to Julia?
SPEED.
Ay, sir. I, a lost mutton, gave your letter to her, a laced mutton, and
she, a laced mutton, gave me, a lost mutton, nothing for my labour.
PROTEUS.
Here’s too small a pasture for such store of muttons.
SPEED.
If the ground be overcharged, you were best stick her.
PROTEUS.
Nay, in that you are astray; ’twere best pound you.
SPEED.
Nay, sir, less than a pound shall serve me for carrying your letter.
PROTEUS.
You mistake; I mean the pound, a pinfold.
SPEED.
From a pound to a pin? Fold it over and over,
’Tis threefold too little for carrying a letter to your lover.
PROTEUS.
But what said she?
SPEED.
[_Nods his head_.] Ay.
PROTEUS.
Nod—“Ay”. Why, that’s “noddy”.
SPEED.
You mistook, sir. I say she did nod, and you ask me if she did nod; and
I say “Ay”.
PROTEUS.
And that set together is “noddy”.
SPEED.
Now you have taken the pains to set it together, take it for your
pains.
PROTEUS.
No, no, you shall have it for bearing the letter.
SPEED.
Well, I perceive I must be fain to bear with you.
PROTEUS.
Why, sir, how do you bear with me?
SPEED.
Marry, sir, the letter, very orderly, having nothing but the word
“noddy” for my pains.
PROTEUS.
Beshrew me, but you have a quick wit.
SPEED.
And yet it cannot overtake your slow purse.
PROTEUS.
Come, come, open the matter; in brief, what said she?
SPEED.
Open your purse, that the money and the matter may be both at once
delivered.
PROTEUS.
[_Giving him a coin_.] Well, sir, here is for your pains. What said
she?
SPEED.
Truly, sir, I think you’ll hardly win her.
PROTEUS.
Why? Couldst thou perceive so much from her?
SPEED.
Sir, I could perceive nothing at all from her; no, not so much as a
ducat for delivering your letter. And being so hard to me that brought
your mind, I fear she’ll prove as hard to you in telling your mind.
Give her no token but stones, for she’s as hard as steel.
PROTEUS.
What said she, nothing?
SPEED.
No, not so much as “Take this for thy pains.” To testify your bounty, I
thank you, you have testerned me; in requital whereof, henceforth carry
your letters yourself. And so, sir, I’ll commend you to my master.
PROTEUS.
Go, go, begone, to save your ship from wrack,
Which cannot perish having thee aboard,
Being destined to a drier death on shore.
[_Exit Speed._]
I must go send some better messenger.
I fear my Julia would not deign my lines,
Receiving them from such a worthless post.
[_Exit._]
SCENE II. The same. The garden of Julia’s house
Enter Julia and Lucetta.
JULIA.
But say, Lucetta, now we are alone,
Wouldst thou then counsel me to fall in love?
LUCETTA.
Ay, madam, so you stumble not unheedfully.
JULIA.
Of all the fair resort of gentlemen
That every day with parle encounter me,
In thy opinion which is worthiest love?
LUCETTA.
Please you, repeat their names, I’ll show my mind
According to my shallow simple skill.
JULIA.
What think’st thou of the fair Sir Eglamour?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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