"What is it, dearest?" he contritely demanded, and after a long pause
she said:
"Nothing, except that I feel as if you had slapped me in the face."
"I! Slapped you in the face!" He could only reecho her words in
bewilderment and distress. "I don't understand."
Laying a hand on her arm, he halted her in a place where the setting sun
was spilling streams of yellow light through the woodland aisles and
then her lips trembled; her eyes filled and she pressed both hands over
her face. After a moment she looked up and dashed the tears
contemptuously away.
"No, I know you don't understand, dear. It's my own fault. I'm a weak
little fool," she said, "But it's all gotten horribly on my nerves. I
can't help it."
"For God's sake," he begged, "tell me what I did or said?" And her words
came with a weary resignation.
"I think you had better put me out of your life, Stuart. I've just
realized how things really are--you've told me. I can't go because I'm
chained to the galley. While Father lives my place is here."
She broke off suddenly and his face took on a stunned amazement.
"Out of my life!" exclaimed the man almost angrily. "Abandon you to all
this abysmal bigotry and--to this pharisaical web of ugly dogmas!
Conscience, you're falling into a melancholy morbidness."
As she looked at him and saw the old smoldering fire in his eyes that
reminded her of his boyhood, a pathetic smile twisted the corners of her
lips.
"Yes--I guess that's just it, Stuart," she said slowly, "You see, I may
have to stay here until, as you put it, I'm all faded out in the fog. If
I've changed so much already there's no telling what years of it will
turn me into."
Stuart Farquaharson caught her impulsively in his arms and his words
came in tumultuous fervor.
"What I said wasn't criticism," he declared. "God knows I couldn't
criticize you. You ought to know that. This is the nearest we've ever
come to a quarrel, dear, since the Barbara Freitchie days, and it's
closer than I want to come. Besides, it's not just your laughter that I
love. It's all of you: heart, mind, body: the whole lovely trinity of
yourself. I mean to wage unabated war against all these forces that are
trying to stifle your laughter into the pious smirk of the pharisee.
There's more of what God wants the world to feel in one peal of your
laughter than in all the psalms that this whole people ever whined
through their noses. You're one of the rare few who can go through life
being yourself--not just a copy and reflection of others. A hundred
years ago your own people would probably have burned you as a witch for
that. They've discontinued that form of worship now, but the cut of
their moral and intellectual jib is, in some essentials, the same. Thank
God, you have a different pattern of soul and I want you to keep it."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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