The two boys who had been splitting wood ceased from their labours and
straightened their backs; suddenly the smaller of the two gave the other
a resounding whack with a split lath that he still held in his hand, and
flew up the hillside with a scream of laughter and simulated terror, the
bigger lad following in hot pursuit. Up and down the steep bush-grown
slope they raced and twisted and dodged, coming sometimes to close
quarters in a hurricane of squeals and smacks, rolling over and over like
fighting kittens, and breaking away again to start fresh provocation and
fresh pursuit. Now and again they would lie for a time panting in what
seemed the last stage of exhaustion, and then they would be off in
another wild scamper, their dusky bodies flitting through the bushes,
disappearing and reappearing with equal suddenness. Presently two girls
of their own age, who had returned from the water-fetching, sprang out on
them from ambush, and the four joined in one joyous gambol that lit up
the hillside with shrill echoes and glimpses of flying limbs. Comus sat
and watched, at first with an amused interest, then with a returning
flood of depression and heart-ache. Those wild young human kittens
represented the joy of life, he was the outsider, the lonely alien,
watching something in which he could not join, a happiness in which he
had no part or lot. He would pass presently out of the village and his
bearers’ feet would leave their indentations in the dust; that would be
his most permanent memorial in this little oasis of teeming life. And
that other life, in which he once moved with such confident sense of his
own necessary participation in it, how completely he had passed out of
it. Amid all its laughing throngs, its card parties and race-meetings
and country-house gatherings, he was just a mere name, remembered or
forgotten, Comus Bassington, the boy who went away. He had loved himself
very well and never troubled greatly whether anyone else really loved
him, and now he realised what he had made of his life. And at the same
time he knew that if his chance were to come again he would throw it away
just as surely, just as perversely. Fate played with him with loaded
dice; he would lose always.
One person in the whole world had cared for him, for longer than he could
remember, cared for him perhaps more than he knew, cared for him perhaps
now. But a wall of ice had mounted up between him and her, and across it
there blew that cold-breath that chills or kills affection.
The words of a well-known old song, the wistful cry of a lost cause, rang
with insistent mockery through his brain:
“Better loved you canna be,
Will ye ne’er come back again?”
If it was love that was to bring him back he must be an exile for ever.
His epitaph in the mouths of those that remembered him would be, Comus
Bassington, the boy who never came back.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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