was, as he always had been, she knew that he was the one thing that the
Fates had willed that she should love. She did not stop to accuse or
excuse herself for having sent him forth to what was to prove his death.
It was, doubtless, right and reasonable that he should have gone out
there, as hundreds of other men went out, in pursuit of careers; the
terrible thing was that he would never come back. The old cruel
hopelessness that had always chequered her pride and pleasure in his good
looks and high spirits and fitfully charming ways had dealt her a last
crushing blow; he was dying somewhere thousands of miles away without
hope of recovery, without a word of love to comfort him, and without hope
or shred of consolation she was waiting to hear of the end. The end;
that last dreadful piece of news which would write “nevermore” across his
life and hers.
The lively bustle in the streets had been a torture that she could not
bear. It wanted but two days to Christmas and the gaiety of the season,
forced or genuine, rang out everywhere. Christmas shopping, with its
anxious solicitude or self-centred absorption, overspread the West End
and made the pavements scarcely passable at certain favoured points.
Proud parents, parcel-laden and surrounded by escorts of their young
people, compared notes with one another on the looks and qualities of
their offspring and exchanged loud hurried confidences on the difficulty
or success which each had experienced in getting the right presents for
one and all. Shouted directions where to find this or that article at
its best mingled with salvos of Christmas good wishes. To Francesca,
making her way frantically through the carnival of happiness with that
lonely deathbed in her eyes, it had seemed a callous mockery of her pain;
could not people remember that there were crucifixions as well as joyous
birthdays in the world? Every mother that she passed happy in the
company of a fresh-looking clean-limbed schoolboy son sent a fresh stab
at her heart, and the very shops had their bitter memories. There was
the tea-shop where he and she had often taken tea together, or, in the
days of their estrangement, sat with their separate friends at separate
tables. There were other shops where extravagantly-incurred bills had
furnished material for those frequently recurring scenes of
recrimination, and the Colonial outfitters, where, as he had phrased it
in whimsical mockery, he had bought grave-clothes for his burying-alive.
The “oubliette!” She remembered the bitter petulant name he had flung at
his destined exile. There at least he had been harder on himself than
the Fates were pleased to will; never, as long as Francesca lived and had
a brain that served her, would she be able to forget. That narcotic
would never be given to her. Unrelenting, unsparing memory would be with
her always to remind her of those last days of tragedy. Already her mind
was dwelling on the details of that ghastly farewell dinner-party and
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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