England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; English fiction -- 19th century
The Enderbys were at Brighton during the autumn. Mr. Enderby only
remained with them two or three days at a time, business requiring his
frequent presence in town. Maud would have been glad to spend her
holidays at some far quieter place, but her mother enjoyed Brighton,
and threw herself into its amusements of the place with spirits which
seemed to grow younger. They occupied handsome rooms, and altogether
lived in a more expensive way than when at home.
Maud was glad to see her mother happy, but could not be at ease herself
in this kind of life. It was soon arranged that she should live in her
own way, withholding from the social riot which she dreaded, and
seeking rest in out-of-the-way parts of the shore, where more of nature
was to be found and less of fashion. Maud feared lest her mother should
feel this as an unkind desertion, but Mrs. Enderby was far from any
such trouble; it relieved her from the occasional disadvantage of
having by her side a grown-up daughter, whose beauty so strongly
contrasted with her own. So Maud spent her days very frequently in
exploring the Downs, or in seeking out retired nooks beneath the
cliffs, where there was no sound in her ears but that of the waves. She
would sit for hours with no companion save her thoughts, which were
unconsciously led from phase to phase by the moving lights and shadows
upon the sea, and the soft beauty of unstable clouds.
Even before leaving London, she had begun to experience a frequent
sadness of mood, tending at times to weariness and depression, which
foreshadowed new changes in her inner life. The fresh delight in nature
and art had worn off in some degree; she read less, and her thoughts
took the habit of musing upon the people and circumstances about her,
also upon the secrets of the years to come. She grew more conscious of
the mystery in her own earlier life, and in the conditions which now
surrounded her. A sense which at times besets all imaginative minds
came upon her now and then with painful force; a fantastic unreality
would suddenly possess all she saw and heard; it seemed as if she had
been of a sudden transported out of the old existence into this new and
unrealised position; if any person spoke to her, it was difficult to
feel that she was really addressed and must reply; was it not all a
mere vision she was beholding, out of which she would presently awake!
Such moments were followed by dark melancholy. This life she was
leading could not last, but would pass away in some fearful shock of
soul. Once she half believed herself endowed with the curse of a
hideous second-sight. Sitting with her father and mother, silence all
at once fell upon the room, and everything was transfigured in a
ghostly light. Distinctly she saw her mother throw her head back and
raise to her throat what seemed to be a sharp, glistening piece of
steel; then came a cry, and all was darkened before her eyes in a rush
of crimson mist. The cry she had herself uttered, much to her parents'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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