England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; English fiction -- 19th century
alarm; what her mother held was in reality only a paper-knife, with
which she had been tapping her lips in thought. A slight attack of
illness followed on this disturbance, and it was some days before she
recovered from the shock; she kept to herself, however, the horrible
picture which her imagination had conjured up.
She began to pay more frequent visits to her aunt Theresa, whom at
first she had seen very seldom. There was not the old confidence
between them. Maud shrank from any direct reference to the change in
herself, and Miss Bygrave spoke no word which could suggest a
comparison between past and present. Maud tried once more to draw near
to the pale, austere woman, whose life ever remained the same. She was
not repelled, but neither did any movement respond to her yearning. She
always came away with a sad heart.
One evening in the week she looked forward to with eagerness; it was
that on which Waymark was generally expected. In Waymark's presence she
could forget those dark spirits that hovered about her; she could
forget herself, and be at rest in the contemplation of strength and
confidence. There was a ring in his voice which inspired faith;
whatever might be his own doubts and difficulties--and his face
testified to his knowledge of both--it was so certain that he had power
to overcome them. This characteristic grew stronger in him to her
observation; he was a far other man now than when she first knew him;
the darkness had passed from his eyes, which seemed always to look
straight forward, and with perception of an end he was nearing. Why
could she not make opportunities of speaking freely with him, alone
with him? They were less near to each other, it seemed, after a year of
constant meeting, than in the times when, personally all but strangers,
they had corresponded so frankly and unconventionally. Of course he
came to the house for her sake; it could not but be so; yet at times he
seemed to pay so little attention to her. Her mother often monopolised
him through a whole evening, and not apparently to his annoyance. And
all the time he had in his heart the message for which she longed;
support and comfort were waiting for her there, she felt sure, could he
but speak unrestrainedly. In herself was no salvation; but he had
already overcome, and why could she not ask him for the secret of his
confidence? Often, as the evening drew to an end, and he was preparing
to leave, an impatience scarcely to be repressed took hold upon her;
her face grew hot, her hands trembled, she would have followed him from
the room and begged for one word to herself had it been possible. And
when he was gone, there came the weakest moments her life had yet
known; a childish petulance, a tearful fretting, an irritable misery of
which she was ashamed. She went to her room to suffer in silence, and
often to read through that packet of his letters, till the night was
far spent.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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