England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; English fiction -- 19th century
When it was nearly eleven o'clock, Casti looked once or twice meaningly
at Waymark, and the friends at length rose to take their leave, in
spite of much protest. O'Gree accompanied them as far as the spot where
they would meet the omnibus, then, with assurances that to-night had
been but the beginning of glorious times, sent them on their way.
Julian was silent during the journey home; he looked very wearied. For
lack of a timely conveyance the last mile or so had to be walked.
Julian's cough had been bad during the evening, and now the cold
night-air seemed to give him much trouble. Presently, just as they
turned a corner, a severe blast of wind met them full in the face.
Julian began coughing violently, and all at once became so weak that he
had to lean against a palisading. Waymark, looking closer in alarm, saw
that the handkerchief which the poor fellow was holding to his mouth
was covered with blood.
"We must have a cab," he exclaimed. "It is impossible for you to walk
in this state."
Julian resisted, with assurances that the worst was over for the time.
If Waymark would give the support of his arm, he would get on quite
well. There was no overcoming his resolution to proceed.
"There's no misunderstanding this, old fellow," he said, with a laugh,
when they had walked a few paces.
Waymark made no reply.
"You'll laugh at me," Julian went on, "but isn't there a certain
resemblance between my case and that of Keats? He too was a
drug-pounder; he liked it as little as I do; and he died young of
consumption. I suppose a dying man may speak the truth about himself. I
too might have been a poet, if life had dealt more kindly with me. I
think you would have liked the thing I was writing; I'd finished some
three hundred lines; but now you'll never see it. Well, I don't know
that it matters."
Waymark tried to speak in a tone of hopefulness, but it was hard to
give his words the semblance of sincerity.
"Do you remember," Casti continued, "when all my talk used to be about
Rome, and how I planned to see it one day--see it again. I should say?
Strange to think that I really was born in Rome. I used to call myself
a Roman, you know, and grow hot with pride when I thought of it. Those
were dreams. Oh, I was to do wonderful things! Poetry was to make me
rich, and then I would go and live in Italy, and fill my lungs with the
breath of the Forum, and write my great Epic. How good that we can't
foresee our lives!"
"I wish to heaven," Waymark exclaimed, when they were parting, "that
you would be a man and shake this monstrous yoke from off your neck! It
is that that is killing you. Give yourself a chance. Defy everything
and make yourself free."
Julian shook his head sadly.
"Too late! I haven't the courage. My mind weakens with my body."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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