Great Britain -- Social conditions -- 19th century; London (England) -- Description and travel
But, when I was in Dullborough one day, revisiting the associations of my
childhood as recorded in previous pages of these notes, my experience in
this wise was made quite inconsiderable and of no account, by the
quantity of places and people—utterly impossible places and people, but
none the less alarmingly real—that I found I had been introduced to by my
nurse before I was six years old, and used to be forced to go back to at
night without at all wanting to go. If we all knew our own minds (in a
more enlarged sense than the popular acceptation of that phrase), I
suspect we should find our nurses responsible for most of the dark
corners we are forced to go back to, against our wills.
The first diabolical character who intruded himself on my peaceful youth
(as I called to mind that day at Dullborough), was a certain Captain
Murderer. This wretch must have been an off-shoot of the Blue Beard
family, but I had no suspicion of the consanguinity in those times. His
warning name would seem to have awakened no general prejudice against
him, for he was admitted into the best society and possessed immense
wealth. Captain Murderer’s mission was matrimony, and the gratification
of a cannibal appetite with tender brides. On his marriage morning, he
always caused both sides of the way to church to be planted with curious
flowers; and when his bride said, ‘Dear Captain Murderer, I ever saw
flowers like these before: what are they called?’ he answered, ‘They are
called Garnish for house-lamb,’ and laughed at his ferocious practical
joke in a horrid manner, disquieting the minds of the noble bridal
company, with a very sharp show of teeth, then displayed for the first
time. He made love in a coach and six, and married in a coach and
twelve, and all his horses were milk-white horses with one red spot on
the back which he caused to be hidden by the harness. For, the spot
_would_ come there, though every horse was milk-white when Captain
Murderer bought him. And the spot was young bride’s blood. (To this
terrific point I am indebted for my first personal experience of a
shudder and cold beads on the forehead.) When Captain Murderer had made
an end of feasting and revelry, and had dismissed the noble guests, and
was alone with his wife on the day month after their marriage, it was his
whimsical custom to produce a golden rolling-pin and a silver pie-board.
Now, there was this special feature in the Captain’s courtships, that he
always asked if the young lady could make pie-crust; and if she couldn’t
by nature or education, she was taught. Well. When the bride saw
Captain Murderer produce the golden rolling-pin and silver pie-board, she
remembered this, and turned up her laced-silk sleeves to make a pie. The
Captain brought out a silver pie-dish of immense capacity, and the
Captain brought out flour and butter and eggs and all things needful,
except the inside of the pie; of materials for the staple of the pie
itself, the Captain brought out none.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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