Great Britain -- Social conditions -- 19th century; London (England) -- Description and travel
Then said the lovely bride, ‘Dear
Captain Murderer, what pie is this to be?’ He replied, ‘A meat pie.’
Then said the lovely bride, ‘Dear Captain Murderer, I see no meat.’ The
Captain humorously retorted, ‘Look in the glass.’ She looked in the
glass, but still she saw no meat, and then the Captain roared with
laughter, and suddenly frowning and drawing his sword, bade her roll out
the crust. So she rolled out the crust, dropping large tears upon it all
the time because he was so cross, and when she had lined the dish with
crust and had cut the crust all ready to fit the top, the Captain called
out, ‘I see the meat in the glass!’ And the bride looked up at the
glass, just in time to see the Captain cutting her head off; and he
chopped her in pieces, and peppered her, and salted her, and put her in
the pie, and sent it to the baker’s, and ate it all, and picked the
bones.
Captain Murderer went on in this way, prospering exceedingly, until he
came to choose a bride from two twin sisters, and at first didn’t know
which to choose. For, though one was fair and the other dark, they were
both equally beautiful. But the fair twin loved him, and the dark twin
hated him, so he chose the fair one. The dark twin would have prevented
the marriage if she could, but she couldn’t; however, on the night before
it, much suspecting Captain Murderer, she stole out and climbed his
garden wall, and looked in at his window through a chink in the shutter,
and saw him having his teeth filed sharp. Next day she listened all day,
and heard him make his joke about the house-lamb. And that day month, he
had the paste rolled out, and cut the fair twin’s head off, and chopped
her in pieces, and peppered her, and salted her, and put her in the pie,
and sent it to the baker’s, and ate it all, and picked the bones.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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