German fiction -- Translations into English; Germany -- Fiction; Sin -- Fiction
"Of course," she continued, "I relied much on you. But when I wanted
you most, you did not come. You went away. Oh, Leo, how cruel you have
been to me! No, no! I won't hurt you. You are good, good as an angel.
You have even forgiven me for forcing my way into Halewitz a second
time. It's true, isn't it, you have forgiven me? And I have dared, too,
to beard Johanna, to ameliorate her hate for you and me. Why, then, do
you shun me? Why may I not call on you when it is all darkness and
night within me, and the ghost of the slain----"
He trembled. The ghastly picture that the old pastor's drunken phantasy
had invoked rose before his mental vision.
"Does he haunt you too?" he murmured, between his clenched teeth.
"Don't ask.... I must be silent.... It is better for you and for me not
to speak of it.... Then how could you have borne to stay away from me,
if you had known----"
"Known what?"
"Another time, I'll tell you," she said imploringly. "Another time,
when I feel miserable, not now, when I'm happy and breathe freely,
because I am so safe with you beside me. Let me enjoy this hour to the
full. Look at the sun melting into those red clouds. Doesn't it look as
if it were weeping over us tears of blood?"
He grunted, for the simile seemed to him extravagantly poetic.
"Oh, why did we ever meet?" she murmured, turning her face up to the
setting sun, so that it became suffused with a rosy glow. She sighed,
but the sigh lost itself in a smile.
"As we are on the subject," he said, feeling that the conversation had
taken a dangerous turn, but at a loss how to change it into another
channel, "meeting had nothing to do with it. For a year or more we had
associated without any harm coming of it, despite the old boy-and-girl
flirtation behind us. We should have been more careful to keep our
inclinations in hand, that's all. Rhaden left us too much alone. We had
too many opportunities of strolling in the park after dark, and sitting
in shady nooks. That's what did it ... that's what did it."
Half lying on the cushions, she propped her chin in her hands.
"I wonder how the idea first came into our heads?" she asked dreamily.
He shrugged his shoulders. "Can one say afterwards how such things
happen?" he said. "It's like fever; no one knows how he gets it."
"I remember, though, how it began," she whispered, still gazing at the
sun. "It was a July evening. Rhaden had something to do in the town....
We were in the arbour, under the cut cypresses. You have got one like
it at Halewitz. Do you remember the arbour?"
Why did she ask? Till their dying hour, they were both bound to
remember the place that had been the temple of their happiness and the
origin of their damnation.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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