German fiction -- Translations into English; Germany -- Fiction; Sin -- Fiction
"It was dark all round us; we could scarcely see each other. Your cigar
had gone out ... you wanted a light. .. I said, 'Let me help you,' and
as I held the burning match to the end of your cigar, and you drew in
the flame with a deep breath, you raised your hand and stroked my hand
which held the match, three times, and just as it flickered up for the
last time, our eyes met ... and then I knew ... knew that it would
happen."
"You knew it already?"
She nodded; and as if it were the fading radiance of their past and
vanished joy, the reflection of the sun, which had now sunk beneath the
horizon, lay purple and mysterious on her face.
"We women are quick to discern that sort of thing," said she; "before
you men know exactly what it is you want, we feel it drawing near. It
is like a warm draught of air blowing against us. Many of us don't know
what it is to feel well except in such an air."
"If you noticed so much, why weren't you on your guard?" he asked
sternly.
"What is the use of guarding against the decree of fate?" she said,
piously clasping her hands.
"Why didn't you drive me away? Why did you allow me to come back?"
"Because I was so glad that you came back."
"Yes, yes ... forgive me ... you are right. It is I who ought to have
known, and to have fled away, miles away. It was not your fault ... it
was mine."
"Don't be so hard on yourself, Leo," she begged. "Things came as they
were bound to come. We were both defenceless then. Do you still
remember how, after the match was gone out, it was all dark in the
arbour, and we were both quite, quite silent? For a long time I heard
nothing but your breathing, short and hard.... You must tell me, Leo,
what were you thinking about during those minutes?"
He would have cried out, "Leave me in peace with your questions," but
only too vividly did the picture rise before his eyes of that sultry
purple July night which was the beginning of all the mischief.
"What was I thinking about?" he murmured. "I don't know that I thought
at all.... At least, I can't recall anything that I thought. But when
we stood up and walked to the house, I remember that I asked myself,
'Why was it her shoulder felt so warm against my arm?' ... I put it
down to the hot summer air.... But when I was in bed, I still felt your
shoulder against my arm that I recollect perfectly to-day."
Felicitas looked at him, smiling. But in the midst of her smile she
broke into convulsive weeping. She threw back her head, stretched
herself out full length on the cushions, her whole body shaken by her
violent sobs. One of her shoes slipped off and fell clattering on the
floor.
Leo, shocked and deeply moved, got up and came to her side.
"Why ... why," she sobbed, "why must it have been so? Now I am wretched
and abandoned, and you are wretched too, and the others. Oh, Jesus,
have pity!"
"Do--do be reasonable," he urged, trying to conceal his fear by
harshness.
"Yes, yes--tell me what to do.... I will obey and do all you command."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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