German fiction -- Translations into English; Germany -- Fiction; Sin -- Fiction
Leo drove, as he had done on the previous day, alone to church. This
time he preceded instead of following his party, for he did not wish to
be disturbed at the outset by Johanna's grim scrutiny. His soul was now
busy with a host of happy plans and pious resolves. An old glimmer of
his joyous childhood's faith had awakened in him again. He would humbly
lay down the burden of his sins at the foot of God's throne, and
receive the pardon which the Lord held in readiness for him, with quiet
thankfulness. It pained him to think of the ferocity of his yesterday's
mood. He had stretched out the greedy hand of a thief to snatch
redemption, to obtain heaven's greatest blessing in an embittered and
obstinate spirit. But to-day it was coming to him unbidden. The
November wind was like a divine breath against his heated brow; the
faint sunlight poured a wealth of gold on his head. "The miracle is
beginning to work," he thought.
But at the bottom of his heart crouched still the demon of fear, and
would not budge--the fear of meeting her.
If only he could have gone alone to the altar! But wherever he went she
was there also. From her there was no escape. In the same way as she
stood between him and his friend, she stood between him and his God.
The Uhlenfelde barouche was close in front of his dog-cart as he turned
into the church square. There she was! That black-veiled graceful
creature descending the steps of the carriage with a dainty swing of
her rustling skirts was the woman he would have liked at that moment to
take in his giant arms and crush--crush like a ball of putty. He
pressed his nails deep into his flesh at the thought of how easy it
would be to do it. Ulrich, slightly yellower than usual, and with more
brilliant eyes than usual, came up to him on his stork-like legs.
"You left me in the lurch yesterday," he said, in mild reproach.
"It was too late to come in," apologised Leo. "I was afraid I should
not get the trap over the ferry."
"Pity!" replied Ulrich, "I wanted you dreadfully."
"For anything special?"
"I wanted a father confessor," Ulrich said, smiling.
"And I was to be _that_," thought Leo, grinding his teeth; meanwhile he
cast a sidelong glance at Felicitas, who was arranging her veil and
hair, and ribbons, behind the carriage, and seemed in desperate need of
a mirror. "To-day she is going to 'fetch' God Almighty" he reflected,
and anger possessed him in every limb as he thought how he loathed her.
Then he went to offer her his hand. Her eyes, swimming in tears, looked
up at him in sweet entreaty through the thick veil she wore. She
pressed his hand twice in hers, a signal of freemasonry between them
hatefully reminiscent to him of their mutual sin.
A few minutes later his own people drove up. They were all in black.
Mamma's lips were rounded from sheer pious ecstasy, and Elly, who
seemed to-day strikingly to resemble her, wore the expression.
"We have all fasted," Leo's mother whispered to him, full of pride.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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