She placed him back between his covers and closed the door gently behind
her. The spring in her heart was hurting her. She knew not what to do,
where to go, in order to dispel this subtle restlessness. The children
below were content without her. It was almost time to be cooking
supper. But she felt nauseous at the prompting. In her own house, in her
own hall, she stood, hesitant, palpitant, unnerved and ill-at-ease. What
was come over her? She sought refuge, back in her room. She flung
herself face down, upon her bed--as a girl might, and as no woman should
need to. And there she lay, not thinking, scarcely feeling, luxuriously
adrift in an element that was both hot and cold. But this could not
last. She must start supper going; she must put Thomas and Adelaide to
bed. She did.
* * * * *
Sarah went to her husband in the parlor. He sat at the table, roughly
fingering a batch of papers. Business had gone better this spring. But
it had failed to pace the stride of outlay. The drain of the Brooklyn
Hospital had sunk Josiah deeper than ever into debt. And he was
brooding. No word of kindness or of fellowship came from him, those
days. The seeming purpose of fate to meet him and the rise in his
affairs with always another blow appealed to the man’s instinct for
irony. It was to him as if he were playing a game, playing it well, yet
destined to go down before stacked cards. Everything seemed to point to
an invidious combination. The very fact of his increasing business, with
the gall it added, seemed proof to him that an Intelligence was at work
against him. His strokes of fortune made him suffer, since they did no
good. His wife’s serene behavior made him suffer, since his emotions
balked at acknowledging or rewarding it. The fact of his power always to
stem a tide, always to go on barely, made him suffer, since it prevented
what in his mood had seemed a luxury--the final breaking-up, the
sureness of an End.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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