They faced each other over the narrow little table. The unusual
surroundings, the packed clamor of the guests, sharpened in each a sense
of intimacy with the other. They drank the red wine that had been
brought without their asking for it. Quincy was proud of the fresh firm
girl that marked him off from the other men with their faded or drab or
hectic women. And Clarice was proud, seeing in Quincy a man strong
enough to run the race when its rhythm pleased him, without the
engulfment that degraded all these other men--their slavish dress, and
their inelastic hands and their stamped features.
She lifted her glass; its scarlet made her wrist a mere shred of white.
“Here’s to the new, old unbroken Quincy. May he have the strength he
needs!”
The boy did not understand. As they clinked glasses:
“What do you mean?” he said.
“Are you so confident that you don’t feel the need even of a toast to
hearten you?”
“What do you mean?” he could do no better than repeat.
She laughed and leaned back in her chair and poised him so.
“There is only one side of you--or is it depth?--that means anything to
me, at all. One side only, that I will tolerate. I drank to that.”
And then, seeing his quandary in his eyes, she went on.
“Can you imagine yourself, Quincy dear, as just a lost note in this ugly
din?--here it is all about us. Of course you can’t! But I can. Because I
know so many such--because most of me is just that sort--and dedicated
to it. Well, if you shrink ever to be just part of the din, you’ll be
lost to me; you’ll be worse, even worse than I am. You’ll be utterly
and dismally negligible. I shan’t be able to notice you at all.” She
paused. “Quincy--I’m straining with you with all my might, so that
shan’t be.”
Why would she not accept him, whatever he might be, or turn to? Why was
she always a taskmaster before she would be friend? Why did she demand
that he _work_ for her smile?
At last, he spoke this out.
“You don’t care for me a bit, just for myself.”
“That’s sentimental! Of course, it is what you can give me, what
differentiates you, that I can care for. Otherwise, why am I dining just
with you?”
He shook his head. He had come there swinging in his momentum. And
Clarice was standing still. She had a philosophy against moving with
him. It occurred to him that this rational friendship was the antipode
of love. And this troubled him--unreasonably, since he felt no love for
her.
There was a dear light in Clarice’s eyes--while all his mind grew
blurred.
“You don’t despise--_just being_,” she rebuked him. “Just being has
eaten into you a bit. Whenever I look at you, I feel the danger that you
are going to melt away; and that in your place where I was so glad to
know you, I shall some day find a ghost, an echo, an empty shell--like
the rest.”
“And what do you give me, to help keep me real? A set of rules!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account