Clarice sobered. He had touched her, there. She wanted him to be strong,
to be true. But out of her own weakness yearning for all this in him,
there came no strength to help him. She shrugged. But she could not deny
his accusation.
Gradually their talk sagged into a minor key. It was clear to Quincy
that if he failed--even if he complied with the life about him--he would
simply, automatically fade from Clarice’s consciousness; it would be as
if he were not, and as if--passing him on a crowded street--her eyes
looked through him and did not warm. It was clear to him that this was
not right. And it was clear to her that this could not be different.
But to neither of them was it known that perhaps her need was as great,
in all this, as his....
So they had parted. Here also, there was no mischance, no real clash.
If he stood that night before his mirror, fearful and harassed, it was
entirely what Quincy found within himself--or failed to find--that
tortured him.
* * * * *
He thought, then.
Another year laden to his accounts. And no doubt of how to qualify that
year--a year, another year of treachery! By it the latter episodes of
college had not been erased. Rather they had served as easy slopes
leading down to that which followed. A nadiral year!
But Quincy’s jaw thrust out. He knew it. He was alone. He stood against
a blank, grey wall, facing the truth. There was no praise of self, no
pride, no confidence in his position. There was no alternative. There
were merely the nausea of the past, the grim facing of the present, the
not caring for the future.
Quincy was about to enact, simply, clumsily, the Word that his heart
spoke; to become sincere; to become chastened of all things save that
Word’s simplicity and the co-ordination with it, of his deed. Quincy
was about to be a man.
He was become eased of worldly irritations. They seemed to have left him
permanently. They had been a help to his false self, what time he shut
his senses to the hurts of spirit. In dwelling upon them, he had been
better able to persevere without a consciousness of deeper pains. All of
that had belonged to the first year. He had chafed, then writhed, then
railed against the City....
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