I find myself wondering in these quiet hours--I walk alone as a
rule--what this haunting, incommunicable sense of beauty is. Is it a
mere matter of temperament, of inner happiness, of physical well-being;
or has it an absolute existence? It comes and goes like the wind. Some
days one is acutely, almost painfully, alive to it--painfully, because
it makes such constant and insistent demands upon one's attention. Some
days, again, it is almost unheeded, and one passes through it blind and
indifferent. It is an expression, I cannot help feeling, of the very
mind of God; and yet the ancient earthwork in which I stand, bears
witness to the fact that in far-off days men lived in danger and
anxiety, fighting and striving for bare existence. We have established
by law and custom a certain personal security nowadays; is our sense of
beauty born of that security? I cannot help wondering whether the old
warriors who built this place cared at all for the beauty of the earth;
and yet over it all hangs the gentle sadness of all sweet things that
have an end. All those warriors are dust; the boys and girls who
wandered a century ago where I wander to-day, they are at rest too in
the little churchyard that lies at my feet; and my heart goes out to
all who have loved and suffered, and to those who shall hereafter love
and suffer here. An idle sympathy, perhaps, but none the less strong
and real.
But now for a little human experience that befell me here. I found the
other day, not far from the church, an old artist sketching. A refined,
sad-looking old fellow, sunburned and active, with white hair and
pointed beard, and a certain pathetic attempt, of a faded kind, to
dress for his part--low collar, a red tie, rough shooting-jacket, and
so forth. He seemed in a sociable mood, and I sate down beside him. How
it came about I hardly know, but he was soon telling me the story of
his life. He was the tenant, I found, of the old manor-house, which he
held at a ridiculous rent, and he had lived here nearly forty years. He
had found the place as a young man, wandering about in search of the
picturesque. I gathered that he had bright dreams and wide ambitions.
He had a small independence, and he had meant to paint great pictures
and make a name for himself. He had married; his wife was long dead,
his children out in the world, and he was living on alone, painting the
same pictures, bought, so far as I could make out, mostly by American
visitors. His drawing was old-fashioned and deeply mannerised. He was
painting not what was there, but some old and faded conception of his
own as to what it was like--missing, I think, half the beauty of the
place. He seemed horribly desolate. I tried, for his consolation and my
own, to draw out a picture of the beautiful refined life he led; and
the old fellow began to wear a certain jaunty air of dignity and
distinction, which would have amused me if it had not made me feel
inclined to cry.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account