JONES. So you forged ahead? JERRY. Sure. I just made up my mind to be President, and then I went ahead and did it. I’ve always been a very ambitious sort of--sort of domineerer. _Jones sighs and takes several letters from his pocket._ JONES. The morning mail. JERRY [_looking at the first letter_]. This one’s an ad, I’ll bet. [_He opens it._] “Expert mechanics, chauffeurs, plumbers earn big money. We fit you in twelve lessons.” [_He looks up._] I wonder if there’s anything personal in that. If there is it’s a low sort of joke. JONES [_soothingly_]. Oh, I don’t think there is. JERRY [_offended_]. Anybody that’d play a joke like that on a person that has all the responsibility of being President, and then to have somebody play a low, mean joke on him like that! JONES. I’ll write them a disagreeable letter. JERRY. All right. But make it sort of careless, as if it didn’t matter to me. JONES. I can begin the letter “Damn Sirs” instead of “Dear Sirs.” JERRY. Sure, that’s the idea. And put something like that in the ending, too. JONES. “Yours insincerely,” or something like that.... Now there’s a few people waiting in here to see you, sir. [_He takes out a list._] First, there’s somebody that’s been ordered to be hung. JERRY. What about him? JONES. I think he wants to arrange it some way so he won’t be hung. Then there’s a man that’s got a scheme for changing everybody in the United States green. JERRY [_puzzled_]. Green? JONES. That’s what he says. JERRY. Why green? JONES. He didn’t say. I told him not to wait. And there’s the Ambassador from Abyssinia. He says that one of our sailors on leave in Abyssinia threw the king’s cousin down a flight of thirty-nine steps. JERRY [_after a pause_]. What do you think I ought to do about that? JONES. Well, I think you ought to--well, send flowers or something, to sort of recognize that the thing had happened. JERRY [_somewhat awed_]. Is the king’s cousin sore? JONES. Well, naturally he---- JERRY. I don’t mean sore that way. I mean did he--did he take it hard? Did he think there was any ill feeling from the United States Government in the sailor’s--action? JONES. Why, I suppose you might say yes. JERRY. Well, you tell him that the sailor had no instructions to do any such thing. Demand the sailor’s resignation. JONES. And Major-General Pushing has been waiting to see you for some time. Shall I tell him to come out here? JERRY. All right. _Jones goes into the White House and returns, announcing: “Major-General Pushing, U. S. A.”_ _Out marches General Pushing. He is accompanied at three paces by a fifer and drummer, who play a spirited march. When the General reaches the President’s table the trio halt, the fife and drum cease playing, and the General salutes._