The devil would have talked on, if I had given him the hearing, but there was such a laugh set up on one side of me, as if they would all have split; and I went to see what the matter was; for ’twas a strange thing, methought, to hear them so merry in hell. The business was, there were two men upon a scaffold, in Gentile habits, gaping as loud as they could bawl. One of them had a great parchment in his hand, displayed, with divers’ labels hanging at it, and several seals. I thought at first it might have been execution-day, and took the writing for a pardon or reprieve. At every word they spoke, a matter of seven or eight thousand devils burst out a-laughing, as they would have cracked their sides. And this again made me think, it might be some jack-pudding or mountebank, showing his tricks or his attestations, with his congregation of fools about him. But, nearer hand, I found my mistake; and that the devils’ mirth made the gentlemen angry. At last, I perceived that this great earnestness of theirs was only to make out their pedigree, and get themselves passed for gentlemen; the parchment being a testimonial from the Heralds Office to that purpose. “My father,” says he with the writing in’s hand, “bore arms for His Majesty in many honourable occasions of watching and warding; and has made many a tall fellow speak to the constable, at all hours of the night. My uncle was the first man that ever was of the Order of the Black-Guard: and we have had five brave commanders of our family, by my father’s side, that have served the State in the quality of marshal’s men and turnkeys, and given His Majesty a fair account of all the prisoners committed to their charge. And by my mother’s side, it will not be denied but that I am honourably descended; for my grandmother was never without a dozen chamber-maids and nurses in family.” “It may be ’twas her trade,” quoth the devil, “to procure services and servants, and consequently to deal in that commodity.” “Well, well,” said the cavalier, “she was what she was; and I’m sure I tell you nothing but truth. Her husband wore a sword, by his place, for he was a Deputy-Marshal; and to prove myself a man of honour, I have it here in black and white, under the Seal of the Office. Why must I then be quartered among a pack of rascals?” “My gentleman friend,” quoth the devil, “your grandfather wore a sword, as he was usher to a fencing school; and we know very well what his son and grandchild can pretend to. But let that pass; you have led a wicked and infamous life, and spent your time in whoring, drinking, blaspheming, and in lewd company; and do you tell us now of the privileges of your nobility? Your testimonials; and the Seal of the Office? A fart for your privileges, testimonials, office and all. There is no honour, but virtue. And if your children, though they had a scoundrel to their father, should come to do honourable and worthy things, we should look upon them as persons sacred, and not