The War of the WenusesLucas, E. V. (Edward Verrall)
Science
The War of the Wenuses
Lucas, E. V. (Edward Verrall)
Science fiction; Wells, H. G. (Herbert George), 1866-1946 -- Parodies, imitations, etc.
A somewhat painful impression was created by the publication of an
interview with a well-known dramatic critic in the periodical known as
_Great Scott's Thoughts_. This eminent authority gave it as his
unhesitating opinion that the Wenuses were not fit persons to associate
with actors, actresses, or dramatic critics, and that if, as was
announced, they had been engaged at Covent Garden to lend realistic
verisimilitude to the Venusberg scene in _Tannhäuser_, it was his firm
resolve to give up his long crusade against Ibsen, emigrate to Norway,
and change his name to that of John Gabriel Borkman. A prolonged sojourn
in Poppyland, however, resulted in the withdrawal of this dreadful
threat, and, some few weeks after the extinction of the Wenuses, his
reconciliation with the dramatic profession was celebrated at a public
meeting, where, after embracing all the actor-managers in turn, he was
presented by them with a magnificent silver butter-boat, filled to the
brim with melted butter ready for immediate use.
APPENDIX B.
APPENDIX B.
My mother has obtained permission from the Laureate's publishers to
reprint the following stanzas from "The Pale Pink Raid":--
"Wrong? O of coarse it's heinous,
But we're going, girls, you just bet!
Do they think that the Wars of Wenus
Can be stopped by an epithet?
When the henpecked Earth-men pray us
To join them at afternoon tea,
Not rhyme nor reason can stay us
From flying to set them free.
* * * * *
"When the men on that hapless planet,
Handsome and kind and true,
Cry out, 'Hurry up!' O hang it!
What else can a Wenus do?
I suppose it was rather bad form, girls,
But really we didn't care,
For our planet was growing too warm, girls,
And we wanted a change of air.
* * * * *
"Mrs. Grundy may go on snarling,
But still, at the Judgment Day,
The author of _England's Darling_
I think won't give us away.
We failed, but we chose to chance it,
And as one of the beaten side,
I'd rather have made that transit
Than written _Jameson's Ride!_"
THE END.
PRINTING OFFICE OF THE PUBLISHER
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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