The Water Goats, and Other TroublesButler, Ellis Parker
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The Water Goats, and Other Troubles
Butler, Ellis Parker
Fiction; Humorous stories; Short stories, American
The fact was that I had planned those stairs myself, and for a
particular reason I had made the rise of each step three inches more
than the customary height, and in this way I had saved two steps. I had
also made the tread of the steps unusually narrow; and the reason was
that I had found, from long experience, that stair carpet wears first on
the tread of the steps, where the foot falls. By making the steps tall
enough to save two, and by making the tread narrow, I reduced the wear
on the carpet to a minimum. I believe in economy where it is possible.
For the same reason I had the stair banisters made wide, with a
saddle-like top to the newel post, to tempt my son and daughter to slide
downstairs. The less they used the stairs the longer the carpet would
last.
I need hardly say that Sarah has a fear of burglars; most women have. As
for myself, I prefer not to meet a burglar. It is all very well to get
up in the night and prowl about with a pistol in one hand, seeking to
eliminate the life of a burglar, and some men may like it; but I am of
a very excitable nature, and I am sure that if I did find a burglar and
succeeded in shooting him, I should be in such an excited state that
I could not sleep again that night--and no man can afford to lose his
night's rest.
There are other objections to shooting a burglar in the house, and these
objections apply with double force when the house and its furnishings
are entirely new. Although some of the rugs in our house were red, not
all of them were; and I had no guarantee that if I shot a burglar
he would lie down on a red rug to bleed to death. A burglar does not
consider one's feelings, and would be quite as apt to bleed on a green
rug, and spoil it, as not. Until burglarizing is properly regulated and
burglars are educated, as they should be, in technical burglary schools,
we cannot hope that a shot burglar will staunch his wound until he can
find a red rug to lie down on.
And there are still other objections to shooting a burglar. If all
burglars were fat, one of these would be removed; but perhaps a thin
burglar might get in front of my revolver, and in that case the bullet
would be likely to go right through him and continue on its way, and
perhaps break a mirror or a cut-glass dish. I am a thin man myself, and
if a burglar shot at me he might damage things in the same way.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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