The Water Goats, and Other TroublesButler, Ellis Parker
General
The Water Goats, and Other Troubles
Butler, Ellis Parker
Fiction; Humorous stories; Short stories, American
Several things coincided to suggest my method. One of these was Sarah's
foolish notion that our silver must, every night, be brought from
the dining-room and deposited under our bed. This I considered a most
foolhardy tempting of fate. It coaxed any burglar who ordinarily would
have quietly taken the silver from the dining-room and have then gone
away peacefully, to enter our room. The knowledge that I lay in bed
ready at any time to spring out upon him would make him prepare his
revolver, and his nervousness might make him shoot me, which would quite
upset Sarah's nerves. I told Sarah so, but she had a hereditary instinct
for bringing the silver to the bedroom, and insisted. I saw that in
the suburban house this, would be continued as “bringing the silver
upstairs,” and a trial of my carpet-saving stairs suggested to me my
burglar-defeating plan. I had the apparatus built into the house, and I
had the house planned to agree with the apparatus.
For several months after we moved into the house I had no burglars, but
I felt no fear of them in any event. I was prepared for them.
In order not to make Sarah nervous, I explained to her that my invention
of a silver-elevator was merely a time-saving device. From the top of
the dining-room sideboard I ran upright tracks through the ceiling to
the back of the hall above, and in these I placed a glass case, which
could be run up and down the tracks like a dumbwaiter. All our servant
had to do when she had washed the silver was to put it in the glass
case, and I had attached to the top of the case a stout steel cable
which ran to the ceiling of the hall above, over a pulley, and so to our
bedroom, which was at the front of the hall upstairs. By this means I
could, when I was in bed, pull the cable, and the glass case of silver
would rise to the second floor. Our bedroom door opened upon the hall,
and from the bed I could see the glass case; but in order that I might
be sure that the silver was there I put a small electric light in
the case and kept it burning all night. Sarah was delighted with this
arrangement, for in the morning all I had to do was to pay out the steel
cable and the silver would descend to the dining-room, and the maid
could have the table all set by the time breakfast was ready. Not once
did Sarah have a suspicion that all this was not merely a household
economy, but my burglar trap.
On the sixth of August, at two o'clock in the morning, Sarah awakened
me, and I immediately sat straight up in bed. There was an undoubtable
noise of sawing, and I knew at once that a burglar was entering our
home. Sarah was trembling, and I knew she was getting nervous, but I
ordered her to remain calm.
“Sarah,” I said, in a whisper, “be calm! There is not the least danger.
I have been expecting this for some time, and I only hope the burglar
has no dependent family or poor old mother to support. Whatever happens,
be calm and keep perfectly quiet.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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