Dosia, on the bed by Redge’s crib, went softly after a while into the
other room, and saw that Lois at last slept, though she herself could
not. Each time that she saw Girard he seemed more and more a stranger,
so far removed was he from her dream of him; through all his softness,
his gentleness, she felt the streak of hardness, if nobody else
did—though Mr. Cater, she remembered now, had spoken of it too—that
the fires of adversity had molded. Perhaps no man could have worked up
from the cruel circumstances of his early days without that hardening
streak to uphold him. She divined, with some surprising new power of
divination, that in spite of all his strong, capable dealing with
actualities and his magnetic drawing of men, for the inner conduct of
his own life he was shyly dependent on odd, deeply held theory—theory
that he had solitarily woven for himself. She felt impersonally sorry
for him, as for a boy who must be disappointed, though he was nothing to
her.
Yet, as Dosia lay there in the dumb stretches of the night, her tired
eyes wide open, close to Redge’s crib, with his little hot hand clinging
to hers, the mere fact of Girard’s bodily presence in the house,
down-stairs, seemed something overpoweringly insistent; she couldn’t get
away from it. It gave her, apparently, neither pleasure nor pain; it
called forth no conscious excitement as had been the case with
Lawson—unless this strange, rarefied sense was a higher excitement.
This consciousness of his presence was, tiresomely enough, something not
to be escaped from; it pulsed in every vein, keeping her awake. She
tried to lose it in the thought of Lois’ great trouble, of this
weighting, pitiful mystery of Justin’s absence—of what it meant to him
and to the household; she tried to lose it in the thought of Lawson,
with the prayer that always instinctively came at his name. Nothing
availed; through everything was that wearing, persistent consciousness
of Girard’s bodily presence down-stairs. If it would only fade out, so
that she might sleep, she was so tired! The clock struck two. A voice
spoke from the other room, sending her to her feet instantly:
“Dosia?”
“Yes, Lois, dearest, I’m here.”
“Has any word come from Justin?”
“No.”
Lois shivered. “I think, when Redge wakes up next, you’d better give him
a drink of water, he sounds so hoarse. I’ve used all I brought up. Do
you mind going down to get some more? I would go myself, but I can’t
slip my arm from under baby; he wakes when I move. Here is the pitcher.”
“Yes,” said Dosia, stopping for a moment to pull the coverlet tenderly
over Lois, before stepping out into the lighted hall.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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