It was a mighty hour. Justin, sitting by the open window with his head
upon his hand, looking out into the night, saw but dimly the pale
shining of the familiar stars, in the search for the rising star of his
own future. It was far on in the small hours, and he had not yet slept,
although he had come up-stairs at twelve o’clock with the firm intention
of undressing and going to bed at once. He had, instead, dropped down
into the wicker chair in the unlighted sitting-room to think for a few
moments—and a few moments—and a few moments more.
The dining-table which he had left was filled with sheets of paper
covered with fine figures, and his mind at first continually reverted to
them, multiplying, subtracting, and correcting with keen facility, and
with infinitesimal changes in the final result, which he knew,
notwithstanding, could be only approximate, no matter how painstakingly
his fancy strove to render it exact.
After a while, however, other thoughts asserted themselves. The vast
influences of the night were around him as from the deep places of the
universe—the depth of dusky gloom, the depth of silence. The window
looked out over a garden, but in this dusky gloom it had lost the
semblance of earth and seemed, instead, but the under part of an
enveloping cloud in which he was the only breathing human life. The
vague dark branches of the trees waving across the lesser darkness spoke
of even deeper mystery in their mute witness to that breath from the
unseen which moved them.
It was not the problem of the universe of which all this spoke to Justin
Alexander, though as such it had been part and parcel of his questioning
youth. The days when he might have sung with Omar were gone with those
speculative midnight hours, the foregathering with death, the conscious
search for higher meanings, the effort to solve the unknowable; whatever
philosophy was evolved from those journeys into the dark was labeled and
put away on a remote shelf, where the mind occasionally reverted to it
with a sigh of thoughtful possession, but for which there was no longer
any daily use. There was even a chance that on bringing the precious
package out into the modern daylight it might be found to have changed
its color entirely.
The problem of his own life was what this hour held in its shifting hold
for Justin, the wavering veiled outlines on which he gazed seemed to
prefigure the uncertain boundaries of his own future. To a man who has a
family, the leaving of a certain occupation for an uncertain one, even
though it promise much, is like taking a leap off into space.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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