made ten times more difficult by their birth. And you would have me not
call them pariahs! I say again, I resolved not to be one. The army was
left. I prepared at Saint-Cyr, not without a struggle. There at least I
knew the pleasure of not being a creature apart, of feeling that I was a
Frenchman like the others, of not being exiled from my time, from my
generation, from my fatherland; the delight of the uniform, of touching
elbows with comrades, of obeying my superiors and of commanding my
inferiors. That uniform no one shall tear from me except with my life.
In losing it I should lose all my reasons for living.--All, no, since I
love you. I wanted to speak to you to-day to learn whether I shall keep
you in the trial that is in store for me. It will have its painful
sides!--Now that you know what the crisis is that I am on the point of
passing through," he added, "will you still answer no as you did a
moment ago? I have no pride and I ask you again, will you be my wife?
Not the wife of the Comte de Claviers-Grandchamp, whose father and whose
environment you dread, but of a soldier with whom that environment will
have no more to do, whom his father will have spurned? If I should ever
have superintended the taking of a church inventory, it will arouse in
the mothers another sort of indignation than for a mésalliance, as you
call it, and as I do not call it. If I have you, the wound will bleed,
doubtless, but I shall have you. You and my profession, my profession
and you, those are enough to make me very strong."
"You have disturbed me too profoundly," said Valentine. "I no longer
know anything. I do not see clear within myself. I have felt your
suffering too keenly. Mon Dieu! when I received your letter, I did guess
what you wanted to speak to me about. I did not guess everything. I had
taken a resolution. I believed that I was sure of keeping to it. In the
face of your trouble I can not.--Listen. Be generous Do not urge me any
further. Give me credit for the answer that you ask. I told you just now
that I could not receive you any more after this. I have no pride,
either. I withdraw that also. As you will pass through Paris again
to-morrow, returning to Saint-Mihiel, come again to see me. I shall have
reflected meanwhile. I shall be in a condition to answer otherwise than
under the impulse of an emotion which discomposes me. Oh! why, in all
the talks we have had together in these last three years, have you never
told me so much about all these intimate details of your life? I would
have helped you--I would have tried, at all events."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account