self-interest, to prudence, sometimes to honor--so that he may be happy!
And the man whom Valentine loved wanted nothing from her which she had
not the right to give him without remorse.
"What answer shall I give him?" she had asked herself a score of times,
without ever arriving at a decision of which she was really, radically
sure in her own mind. "How can I persuade him to wait longer? Wait, and
for what? Assuming that I impose this further postponement upon him, and
he agrees to it, what will our relations be then? If I don't say yes,
and instantly, I shall be obliged, after the explanation we had
yesterday, to close my door to him. To receive him under such conditions
would be mere coquetry, in the worst of all forms. A woman who has let a
man tell her that he loves her should never see him again, or should
belong to him. Not see him again? Not know what he thinks, what he
feels? I should suffer too much. To say yes to him, if ill luck wills
that he shall be mixed up in one of these horrible church-burglaries, is
to dig still deeper the gulf between him and his father. If I could only
make my consent depend on the condition that he should resign rather
than obey an order of that sort! No; that would be wrong. He has a
conscience of his own which I have no right to exert pressure upon in
the name of his love! Ah! how I wish I could be sure that I am deciding
only for his real good, and not because I love him and for my own
happiness!"
A little incident had added to her uncertainty: a long letter from
Saint-Mihiel, written by one of the friends she had retained there, the
wife of one of the late Captain Olier's fellow officers. It was all
about the uneasiness that prevailed among all the officers on account of
the imminence of the two inventories--at Hugueville and Montmartin. The
young widow's correspondent related at great length a conversation she
had had with her husband, and how she had insisted that he should resign
rather than comply with certain orders.
"She is his wife," Valentine had said to herself. "A wife has the right
to take part in the most important resolutions of her husband's life.
Would she have the right to leave him if he should decide against her
advice? That is the sort of pressure I should try to exert if I should
demand a promise from Landri as the price of my hand. I will not do it!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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